There have been a lot of posts floating around the fb lately about chores.
How to incentivise and entice your children to get them accomplished. Money, ice-cream, time with mom and dad; you name it!
Or how to make the consequence for not getting them accomplished dire enough that it gets done. Groundings, loss of electronics, loss of parties or big holiday events - the lists go on.
Firstly, let me say I loathe the word "chore." The word itself just immediately makes me resent whatever the task may be. And it implies something that isn't fun and well, maybe not even necessary. And if it makes me grumpy, how can I expect my offspring to feel differently?
My kids don't have chores.
There are no lists. No incentives or repercussions.
Before you get your panties in a tizzy, let me explain.
No, my kids are not waited on with a crystal platter and a silver spoon; immune to the daily grudge of being a human.
The things most people list as chores and dole out like a prison sentences are - for us anyway - basic tasks that need to get done just because they're basic parts of life.
My kids are still at the ages where they're relatively eager to help out. I hope it lasts, but obviously I cannot know. I hope that by not making it seem like something to be dreaded they will continue to happily oblige me.
9 times out 10 when they see Momma cleaning or do laundry, they want to help, too. Or they want their own tasks. I can give them rags with a spray bottle of vinegar and water and ask that they wipe down the sink and toilet and they most often do. H loves helping to fold and put away laundry right now. They both are eager to dust and vacuum and and help with the dishes.
Obviously, their level of "clean" is not the same of mine, but I take what I can get because I don't want to turn them away from being such eager helpers.
Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes they certainly don't want to do these things because they're too busy playing or they're exhausted or whatever.
And that's that. I don't force it.
Sometimes I don't want to do the dishes or fold the laundry.
Guess what?
When I feel that way, I don't do it either.
I either do it at a later date or J will come home and do it. And not begrudgingly, he just does it. Because we are a family. And we all have times or days when we just don't want to get the basic things done, regardless. And the great part of being a family is that we are all so connected and united, that 9 times out of 10 we are more than willing to help each other out when we're just not feeling up to getting things accomplished.
If we are getting ready to leave and the kids just don't want to pick up the blocks, cool. I will typically do it for them. But it's because it's such a rare occurrence; it doesn't happen every day. They know it's okay to say, "Momma, I really don't want to do this right now. Can I do it later? Or will you do it for me?"
Just like sometimes I say don't want to make dinner. So we have take-out instead.
Of course there are times that it's pressing. Say, they took out the paints and had agreed beforehand to clean them up promptly. Well, if they didn't manage to do so and they didn't ask for help, then those paints are going to dry up. That's why we no longer have markers. I didn't maliciously not put the caps on them when they left them out; I simply didn't realize it hadn't been done and no one asked for help. So they dried up. And now they're gone. Lesson learned, we all moved on. No one was in trouble, it simply was.
And that's how our daily lives and "chores" work out. We're a team. We've modeled that since birth. I've never asked my children to make their beds and yet they do so on their own almost every day. Because they see Momma do it. Just like they wipe the toothpaste out of the sink or grab the broom if there are crumbs on the floor or immediately clean up a spilled drink. It's just always been a normal, calm part of their lives.
No rewards or punishments needed.
Again, who knows how it will pan out when they're 12. Maybe we will have to have some big discussions about why it is important we work together as a family so we don't live in filth and chaos. There may be some challenging stages, who knows.
But for now it works. My kids only know they word "chore" from other friends, and equate it to a way to make money or get in a lot of trouble. I don't want that personally for them.
So for now, my kids don't have chores. They're just a part of the family, and as such, we all work together to make things run smoothly and help each other out when needed. We don't all have great days, and that's completely acceptable. Sometimes we don't even have a great week. That's why we have each other as a team.
