March 18 - Pictures!

I'm trying to put down the camera phone and pick up the real camera more.

I won't lie, it's challenging. The camera phone is small and easy and virtually glued to my person (which I should probably also work on!).

But real pictures are just so much better.

So here are a few snapshots from our day. Because then I can send J this link and he can see them, too, from afar. :-)

I cannot get enough of this gorgeous face!

B's standard grin.

She always wants to make silly faces.

In case you wanted to know what he was eating, ha.

I call this his Grandpa Shawn smile.

Pretty sure she would swing all day.

This boy is always in action. He never, ever slows down.

"Vulva" and "Penis" - they are words your children need to know

I am astounded, daily, by how many people do not teach their children the proper names for genitalia.

H and B both know that boys have a penis and girls have a vulva. Period.

We use those words without flinching much like we'd say people have arms and eyes. It's simply anatomy.

And we need to empower our children with the proper names of genitalia. We need to make it something that isn't giggle-worthy or cringe-worthy to say.

Why?

Because there is so much research that proves that children who are armed with the proper names of their anatomy are much less likely to be sexually abused. Children with whom genitalia is not made taboo are more confident in their own bodies and more empowered to stand up to someone who wishes them harm.

Simply by knowing and using the proper names of genitalia your child is less likely to be sexually abused.

That information alone should be enough to throw out words like "cookie" and "bits" and "private parts" and "peter" and "tinkie-winkie."

As a kid, I cannot ever remember someone saying "penis" or "vulva." I heard "privates" a lot. Boys have "tinkie-winkies" (no joke). I have no doubt my parents thought it was what was right and proper. But we know better now. So we must do better.

For our children.

I remember that the word "penis" would immediately result in big-belly laughter. My friends and I used to play a game where we would start out whispering the word "penis" and each get louder and louder, to see who was brave enough to say the word the loudest.

And the word "vagina"...omg. I could hardly utter it. It was cringe-worthy. Almost dirty. Yeah, no. Never. And I didn't even know then that most people said vagina but really meant "vulva." I had no idea a vulva even existed. Dear Lord.

Also, children who are taught the proper names of genitalia and are comfortable using them, are easier to raise red flags with immediately if someone is sexually harming them and they're either too little to realize they should tell someone, or too scared or too ashamed to tell someone.

Because if little Sally goes from using the world vulva freely to suddenly calling it her cupcake, when mommy and daddy have never referred to it as that, it at least starts making you ask questions. Even if she simply picked up the word on the playground, it gets the gears rolling and makes you alert.

And pedophiles rarely use the proper names of anatomy. It's proven they prefer to stick with cutesy-names to make it all seem fun. Excuse me while I vomit.

I'm sure it was not simply because I was not equipped and confident in the correct names of my genitalia, but I was sexually abused as a little girl by a man whom I loved and trusted. All that was left was my virginity which was stolen without consent while I was in college by someone else whom I thought of as a friend at the time.

As is life.

I was terrified to tell anyone as a kid. I felt dirty. Ashamed. Used. Totally betrayed by this person who was supposed to keep me safe and yet hurt me to the core.

I'm only telling you this because let's face it; we like to think that so long as we keep our kids safe from the shady looking man walking down the street, our kids are safe. And yet the monsters are oh-so typically the ones we trust the most and allow to walk right through our front door.

Which makes everything that much scarier.

And far more important to help our children be confident in our bodies. To empower them with knowledge and let them say "no" loudly.

A child who uses the correct names for genitalia can obviously still be harmed. But the statistics are staggering, and the likelihood greatly diminished just by using the correct names. It's such an easy thing to do.

Predators don't want strong, confident kids. They're looking for the kids who have been taught that their genitalia is shameful, or something that shouldn't be talked about. They're looking for kids who call it something it's not. Because those kids are easy. Way too easy.

So please, please, the next time you find yourself tempted to say "cupcake" or "privates" or "peter" or whatever, just don't. Use the correct name. Empower your child. Empower yourself. And stop making genitalia taboo.

Because if it's taboo with you, then it will be interesting with someone else. And the vulnerability will be immense.

So yes, my children talk about their genitalia whenever they see fit. They use "vulva" and "penis" just as easily as they would "arm" or "plate" or "book." It's just a word. Just a body part. We all have one or the other and it is what it is.

But simply by knowing and using those two simple words, they're all ready so empowered. And in a world where I cannot protect them from everything all the time, as much as I'd love to, at least I can help to build strong, empowered, confident kids.

And you can, too.

Warm weather is coming!

The last two weeks we've been getting a wonderful glimmer of warm weather. Staying true to the Midwest Bi-Polarness our 70 degree days have been followed promptly by snow, but whatever. I'll take it. We are getting there.

The kids have been thrilled to get outside. We've spent so much time outside lately I haven't had to pick up the house. You know, because we're not inside enough to mess it up. Awesome!

The past two weeks have been great. I've been all emotional and sappy right now with how much I freaking adore H and B. I've always felt things a bit deeper and more extreme than a lot of people, which is where H obviously gets her big feelings. But I also was told from early on to keep those emotions in check because no one else wants to be privy to them. So it's really hard now for me to express my feelings to most other people.

But oh. my. gosh.

I have two gorgeous, healthy, fantastic little children. I have an amazing husband. Sometimes I think I'm going to burst at the seams with how fortunate I am to have these three amazing people in my life.

I've always been a super family-orientated person, which is kind of a cosmic joke because I have a huge family, and am close to like, three people. Go figure. I have virtually no relationship with the majority of my family, sadly, but it is what it is. So the fact that I have these three incredible people whom mean the world to me is just crazy.

Especially since two of them I gave birth to and the other actually chose to have this awesome relationship with me. I mean, wow. I'm still taken aback some days that I'm a mother and wife. And that thus far I don't seem to be messing up too much, ha.

Saturday J took H out for dinner while B and I went to chik fil a's Mother Son Date Knight, which was incredibly adorable. And it's always fun to spend some one-on-one time with the babes.

And we went hiking that day.

I also got to see my dad this weekend, which tickled the kids pink.

Anyway, I could say a lot more, it'd probably all be corny, but apparently we need to go outside now - coloring is no longer fun. So I will leave with you some pictures.

Digging for worms, of course!

I got big mommy points for buying scented bubbles! And look at those cheeks!

Two thumbs up!

They were looking at insects and I caught a rainbow, apparently!

How is she this big!?

 They found a woodpecker.

Yep, I'm the luckiest. I snagged this charming man!

Melt my heart!

 

To go or not to go; that is the question

H was offered a spot in our local Montessori school last week.

I didn't realize we were still even on the wait list (we were offered a spot last year, but I forgot to respond because I was out of state and overwhelmed with lead stuff).

I was going to say "no" immediately, because, well, it's just out of our budget. By a lot.

But J said we should tour it because H has been requesting school like a madwoman for the past several months and we both want to do her right, while also sticking to our own beliefs and values.

And Montessori fits that because it is very child-led, which is important to both J and I.

Of course we toured it and we all loved it.

J loved how respectful the teachers were. The last school we toured had a "red, yellow, green light" behavior system which completely put J (and me) off and he pretty much said based on that alone he wouldn't and couldn't send our child.

Here, such a thing does not exist. Here the environment is so calm and peaceful and respectful. And we did witness a child unhappy over not getting what he wanted that second (because someone else was using it) and it was dealt with so beautifully that I wanted to kiss the teacher for treating the child like a human being and not an object to be manipulated or punished like so many teachers and people do.

Essentially, there was nothing J and I disliked about this preschool. We had qualms with the older grades, but that isn't something that is a factor today. We'd cross that bridge when we got there.

And H really loved the school.

And so did B, which is a slight other issue, because we'd be breaking bank to send H, and despite the fact that they said they'd allow B to attend if H did, we wouldn't be able to afford to send them both. Not even remotely. So I feel guilty letting one kid go and not the other, when they're both eligible. :-/

Though maybe it's not an issue, because when I casually asked H yesterday, after hearing her rave for quite a bit about how much she loved the school too, if she wanted to go to preschool her response was, flatly, "No."

"Oh," I said. "Why not?"

"I would just miss you too much."

I nodded. "I'd miss you, too. But you'd have a lot of fun."

"No, I just want to pretend to go to school so I can be with B."

"Okay," and I left it at that.

So now J and I are kinda like WTF do we do? Do we assume she really doesn't want to go now, or that she does? And how will she feel when September rolls around, because once we say no this option is gone?

And the kicker is we have to tell them tomorrow. Oh yeah, and pay them $500 to hold her spot...

Not something I want to do for a girl who might decide she doesn't want to go.

I have a feeling the real issue is she doesn't want to be separated from B. I think. But I don't know for certain.

I'd just assume not put her into school. Obviously. But I don't want to throw away something she wants. But I don't even know if she really wants it anymore, or if she is just intrigued with the idea.

If it were a hell of a lot cheaper I'd just enroll her for now and pull her out later if she didn't want to go, but that's a lot of money to throw away. At least to me. Heck, if it were cheaper I'd just enroll them both and this would likely be a non-issue.

So now I have roughly 24 hours to figure out if she genuinely does or does not want to go, and for what reasons.

And trying to get a straight answer from a (almost) 4 year old is pretty much impossible.

So wish me luck.

Simplistic Meal Planning

I've tried meal planning off an on over the years. Mostly, I always found it tedious and I burnt out super quickly.

And I'm terrible with coming up with variety. It pretty much gives me anxiety.

But, in an effort to tighten up our budget, I've finally come up with a rather simplistic weekly meal plan that works for us. And we do it weekly, with little to no change. So I don't have to get too crazy with variety.

We eat eggs for breakfast. Every day. Yep, eggs. The kids typically eat them over easy with a side of fruit. I eat them scrambled with enough veggies that I can hardly taste the eggs (I don't really like eggs...). I try to throw in some bacon or sausage once or twice a week, but the kids don't seem to care either way. On the weekends J makes them gluten-free pancakes. He's cooler than me. And once Farmer's Market starts back up, our breakfast will be acquired at our favorite restaurant on Saturday mornings. Oh, I'm all ready drooling for a crepe or some quiche!

J takes sandwich stuff to work and makes his own sandwiches for lunch most days. Occasionally I send him with leftovers if it isn't something that went over well with the kids.

The kids and I eat leftovers, fruits, and nuts and soup mostly for lunch. I try to feed us fish twice a week, since J isn't a fish lover unless it's fried. I'll make the kids a tuna dip (1/2 block of cream cheese with a can of tuna and some spinach) and they'll eat it with carrot sticks (real carrots, not baby carrots. This is one reason baby carrots don't come into my house). And then typically a tilapia or cod or wild caught salmon broiled another day. But none of us are big lunch eaters, we mostly graze. Which works. I just make sure all of our options are healthy.

And I've made our dinner rotation so simple even I can't mess it up. And that's saying a lot!

Monday is ground beef and potatoes with a veggie and salad on the side.

Tuesday is whole chicken in the crock pot. I toss a bag of frozen veggies in before I take H to piano lessons, so it's all cooked and ready to go when we get back.

Wednesday is a bit of a wild card. I make something with chicken from the day before. Typically GF enchiladas or taco salad. Or if I'm super in a rush I just heat up the chicken and serve it with some veggies.

Thursday is soup day. I make chicken stock out of that whole chicken carcass. I throw in whatever veggies I have on hand and any chicken left over. Served with a side salad.

Friday is GF spaghetti night, which works out perfect with lent, since we go meat free for dinner that day anyway. I make a veggie and salad, and wham. Everyone is happy (because I don't care for spaghetti much).

J does dinner on the weekends. Organ meat and pork. Or sometimes leftover spaghetti for the kids one night and steak for us after they're in bed. It's like a date at home! Whatever works. I mostly leave it up to him, although I buy the various meats and toss them in the freezer.

Simply having a rough idea of what and how we are eating every week has been a Godsend. I'm not overwhelmed trying to come up with ideas. I'm not grocery shopping blindly, just purchasing whatever sounds good (yes, that's typically how I shop). We waste so much less this way, eat much healthier (less last minute take out or throwing a meal together from Bfoods deli because I don't know what is going on despite being the one in charge).

It's only taken me 4.5 years of marriage, but I totally recommend everyone have a plan. Seriously. It's cheaper. Ridiculously cheaper. I am still buying organic, local foods mostly (sorry, I will never buy organic avocados or pineapple or bananas, it's not worth it), and I'm saving a ton! Simply by knowing what I'm doing for a change.

It makes life SO much easier. It's worth it.

D.C., Philly, Lititz, Oh My!

We've had an awesome whirlwind of a week.

A really great trip to the East Coast.

We saw a lot of people we love and didn't get to spend enough time with any of them. Ah, as is life, I suppose. I'm so thankful for the time we did get though!

We started out last Tuesday. The kids and I left around noon after their soccer was over to join J who was having meetings all week a little over an hour south of D.C. We arrived around midnight, despite all the "terrible blizzards and snow" I was warned about. The roads were perfect. We had less than an hour of very, very light snow. That didn't stick to the roads, ground, or windshield. So we were good.

Wednesday morning the kids and I moseyed around, had breakfast, and then headed to the nearest park and ride to catch the metro into D.C. They were super excited about the train for about two minutes. Then the thrill wore off.

We met up in D.C. with one of my dearest friends, Kate, and had lunch with her (well, the kids had chocolate croissants - that counts right?). Kate is gorgeous and glamorous and fun as always. I almost apologized for having not done my hair or make-up, but then I didn't, because fortunately you don't have to apologize about that kind of stuff with some people.

Then we ventured over to the Natural History Museum. I think the kids liked it. Especially the caterpillars and butterflies.

Then we brilliantly decided to walk to the Lincoln Memorial.

An easy walk when you're not lugging around two small children, for sure! And they weren't eager to walk themselves.

We wised up and took a cab back to Kate's apartment. One little somebody passed out cold during the very short drive. Another little somebody fought it hard, and managed to stay awake until 9p.m. that night!!

Thursday I had wanted to return to D.C. for more sightseeing, because you know, looking at monuments is fun. Even if you've seen them like 40 times all ready. Okay, if you're me, it is. The kids weren't keen on that idea so instead I took them to a nearby historical plantation. I didn't win any points with that one either. But it was gorgeous. I just wish my real camera hadn't died on me, or I could have gotten some good photos there!

H was so sweet and polite, despite her obvious lack of enthusiasm. I would explain something historical to her like the smokehouse or the blacksmith and she'd muster up a smile and say in monotone, "Oh, wow." B didn't even pretend to be having fun.

Yeah, guess they didn't get my history gene.

So we went back to the hotel and swam and watched Disney Jr. for 3 hours. The kids were fairly certain they'd gone to heaven, ha.

Friday morning J was done with meetings, so we hightailed it up to Philadelphia where my dad, step-mom, brother sister-in-law, niece, mom, and mom's boyfriend all were for the commissioning of the ship my brother is currently on - Somerset.

After a few plunders and mishaps, we finally met up with everyone at the ship in order for my brother to take us on a tour.

Miss H could not have been more excited to see her cousin, O! Before we'd headed out East we had gone to our local kids boutique because H had her own money to spend and wanted nail polish (and I'm a freak and only buy her "safe" nail polish). Well, she found a Hello Kitty necklace and wanted to buy that for her cousin instead with her money. It absolutely melted my heart (and I went ahead and bought her the nail polish myself, don't worry!). H promptly gave O the necklace and then they held hands and sang "Let It Go!" as we walked to the ship.

 

 

We were given an excellent tour of the ship by my brother.

Afterwards we headed for dinner and then passed out in the hotel room my mom so kindly got for us. I was out solid until 12:30 until the Bogans next door decided it was great time to have a spat. The dude yelled incoherently. The girl would randomly scream, "I f*cking hate you!" or "Don't f*cking touch me!" I was all about calling down the lobby, but Mr. B had unplugged the phone and was sleeping on top of me. Since it didn't disturb the kids or J I listened to the carrying-on until nearly 3am. Awesome fun, of course.

The next morning we headed out to the commissioning ceremony.

That's my brother!

 

The kids were all pretty awesome throughout the ceremony. I was impressed anyway.

 

 Ignore the fact that I have three pairs of mittens stuffed into my coat pockets. I try to keep things real.

 

 

 

We met up with everyone and went out for lunch at the City Tavern. It was a grand time and my sister-in-law got me a gift while we were there...

 

And then we walked back to where we were parked. The girls immediately broke into the cannoli chips and dip on the walk over. Never mind we'd just had a 3 hour lunch, ha.

And then we made the 2 hour drive west to J's sister's house in Lititz to spend the night. B cozied right up with J. Melt my heart.

And then we spent the morning visiting before finally heading off to return home.

We had an incredibly good time. It didn't last long enough with any of our family or friends. But we are so glad we got to see everyone.

And the kids and are happy to be home again!

For a few weeks anyway. ;-)

 

 



I guess we're not done nursing...

So B weaned in early December.

It was a hormonal event for me. I was little sad at first. Then probably a bit over-elated. I celebrated by buying a real bra.

And then it happened.

I didn't even know it could happen, especially after 3 months.

A week ago he asked if he could nurse after I got out of the shower.

I'd heard of this. I was prepared for this.

It's common for toddlers who have weaned to ask to nurse to see what their mother will say. It's typically not a big deal. Many giggle and run away. That is that.

B latched on for a whole 5 seconds, laughed and kissed my boobs, and ran off.

And that was that.

Or so I thought.

The next day he asked to nurse again.

Again, I obliged him. I've always wanted breastfeeding to be a beautiful and happy thing. And although mentally I was never going to breastfeed again, I figured maybe he was just needing a little help realizing that he'd chosen to stop, and wanting confirmation in some way that that was okay.

He latched on again for 5 seconds, and then said, "Momma, lay down with me to nursie."

I know I hesitated, but then I hoisted him onto my hip and took him into my bedroom and we snuggled and he latched on. After maybe 20 seconds he squealed, "Milk!"

I looked down where he'd come unlatched and saw a thick, yellowish milk. In hindsight it looked similar to colostrum, but at that moment I wasn't sure if I should be concerned or allow him to keep breastfeeding. But there was no stopping him now. He'd struck gold!

I made him unlatch about a minute later, just so I could see, and sure enough, there was actual, white, normal-looking milk. And he filled his tummy to his hearts content.

I wasn't sure if it was going to be a fluke or not.

It's not.

Since then he's gone back to breastfeeding every morning and evening.

I'm cool with this. I can still wear my normal bra. Which is nice.

H wanted to try too, since B was. But she seems to have completely lost her ability to properly suck. Though she was awfully determined.

So I guess B isn't weaned. I guess he was just taking a break.

And surprisingly, this isn't as uncommon as I'd assumed after talking to a handful of mommas who'd had similar experiences.

Truthfully, I was completely at peace with the fact that I'd never breastfeed again.

But I guess now I will be at peace with the fact that I am in fact breastfeeding again. And I have no idea when I'll be done.

And next time I'll wait a solid year before declaring anyone has weaned. Because my children love to make a liar out of me, ha.