There isn't much that I enjoy more than curling up to a good book. Ever since I can remember, I've been a bookworm. Obviously, with kiddos, I don't get to read near as much as I used to. Once I start a book, I have a hard time putting it down, which means everything else gets neglected. Not so hot when you have babes to care for. But when J travels, I often spend my evenings reading. Since he has been MIA 80% of the time since baby B has been born, I've gotten to read a bit more than usual.
But I digress...Miss H has definitely inherited my bookworm gene. I think baby B has, too. All ready he will sit, fascinated, as I read books to him, over and over again. Nothing excites Miss H more than reading a book or taking a trip to the library or bookstore.
This morning she ran around the house screaming, "Storytime today! Momma, storytime!" That girl loves her books.
Barnes and Noble is pretty much brilliant. They offer a free storytime, complete with a cookie or other treat, once a month for our local moms group (I'm fairly certain they offer it to the public at a different time as well...but I can't afford to go more than once a month, ha!). Yes, it's "free." But, as I vividly remember from Economics class, there is no such thing as a free lunch.
We always arrive early, Miss H making a mad dash to Starbucks where she gets "my own, Momma. My very own!" cup of tea or, when I'm feeling daring, chocolate milk (but if she actually drinks it all she ends up with diarrhea, yeah, you wanted to know that, so we steer clear of it most of the time). I get whatever, and typically Miss H cons me into a cookie or scone or quiche or whatever she so fancies that day, regardless of the fact that they are going to give her a free treat in just a bit. So all ready, our "free" storytime has cost me a good $10.
Miss H plays with the train table, listens to the story at story time, enjoys her snack, makes her crafts, and plays until she's finally a bit worn out. Fantastic! But no one can leave a book store without a book. That's totally my fault, but denying my child books is like denying her broccoli. I just can't fathom it. Mostly because I am a book addict and can fully appreciate the excitement of a brand new, crisp book, all of your own. The thrill of reading the words the first time. The joy of reading them another 2 millioin times, still as exciting as the first time.
And although she has a bookcase full of books, she really does read them. All of them. Regularly. In the span of one week I can easily say we've read each book she owns at least once - and anyone who has seen her collection knows it's extensive for a 2 year old (though she just told me a few days ago, "I need more books, Momma! See, see! I need more." Oh, the problems of first world children!). But since she reads them, I don't have a problem with having a few gazillion. And sometimes I agree with her, maybe she does need more...
I get it. I really, really do. So I always buy her a book. Sometimes 2. One time like 6, but we will pretend that time didn't happen.
So there I'm out another $5 if it was a cheap book. So, on a good story time day, the "free" event costs me $15. It's a good thing I never really anticipated it to be free.
And I can say that I retained something from my high school Economics class too.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Sorry doesn't fix it
I've known this my whole life. Sorry doesn't fix anything. Sure, it's nice to say after a wrongdoing, especially if you actually mean it. But it doesn't make the words you said disappear. It doesn't make the sting from your hit subside. Itn cannot, in fact, actually do anything to change what has all ready occurred. I know this. I'm a firm believer in this.
And yet I say that I'm sorry to baby B every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. While he's nursing. While he's sleeping. While he's toddling trepditiously toward me. And away from me.
I say it even though I know that I cannot fix those first few months for him. I cannot make myself look back on my birth experience with him and say it was beautiful and great like Miss H's. I cannot go back and make myself happy. Sure, I wore him just as much as I did Miss H, but with so much reluctance. And only because I'd had her first; I knew what the right thing to do was, even though I didn't feel an overwhelming desire to have him on me. I hugged him and kissed him because I knew babies needed that, but it was on the rarest occassion that it was out of anything more than obligation.
I loved him, yes. That is a given. Just as with Miss H, I would have gladly laid down my life for him from the second I laid eyes on him. Before that even.
But I cannot go back and re-create a connection with him in those first precarious months that simply was not there.
Baby B is a happy, lovely, and loving baby boy. I know without a doubt that he knows how much I cherish him. We are connected now. That's for sure!
Bust still. There are things that make me feel awful, when in reality they should not. They way he is so wrapped up with J. At this age Miss H wanted nothing to do with her papa. But baby B happily crawls into his lap. He gives him hugs and besos unprompted. He cries when he leaves him. These are all good things, and things he does with me as well, but I feel sometimes that he only does it with J because he knows that J was the one genuinely connecting with him in those early months.
Even with breastfeeding I sometimes feel like I screwed things up. He's never nursed half as much as Miss H, which is a totally fine thing. She's a bit of an addict. But then I sometimes find myself thinking "Well, maybe that's because he knows." And so, of course, I apologize, even though I know it won't fix it.
I figure some day I will be able to look at him and not think, "I am just so sorry." Some day I will be able to stop trying to make it up to him on an hourly basis.
I remember telling J during those first few months that baby B deserved so much better than me. That he was so perfect, and wasn't it his rotten luck to get stuck with a momma like me. And then the lightswitch went on and things got a million times better and I realized that he got a pretty kick-ass momma. I will always be honest and forthcoming with him. I love him to absolute pieces and would never let harm befall him.
But I'll still likely tell him I'm sorry on a daily basis. Because I am.
From the deepest depths of my soul I'm sorry, my sweet boy.
And yet I say that I'm sorry to baby B every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. While he's nursing. While he's sleeping. While he's toddling trepditiously toward me. And away from me.
I say it even though I know that I cannot fix those first few months for him. I cannot make myself look back on my birth experience with him and say it was beautiful and great like Miss H's. I cannot go back and make myself happy. Sure, I wore him just as much as I did Miss H, but with so much reluctance. And only because I'd had her first; I knew what the right thing to do was, even though I didn't feel an overwhelming desire to have him on me. I hugged him and kissed him because I knew babies needed that, but it was on the rarest occassion that it was out of anything more than obligation.
I loved him, yes. That is a given. Just as with Miss H, I would have gladly laid down my life for him from the second I laid eyes on him. Before that even.
But I cannot go back and re-create a connection with him in those first precarious months that simply was not there.
Baby B is a happy, lovely, and loving baby boy. I know without a doubt that he knows how much I cherish him. We are connected now. That's for sure!
Bust still. There are things that make me feel awful, when in reality they should not. They way he is so wrapped up with J. At this age Miss H wanted nothing to do with her papa. But baby B happily crawls into his lap. He gives him hugs and besos unprompted. He cries when he leaves him. These are all good things, and things he does with me as well, but I feel sometimes that he only does it with J because he knows that J was the one genuinely connecting with him in those early months.
Even with breastfeeding I sometimes feel like I screwed things up. He's never nursed half as much as Miss H, which is a totally fine thing. She's a bit of an addict. But then I sometimes find myself thinking "Well, maybe that's because he knows." And so, of course, I apologize, even though I know it won't fix it.
I figure some day I will be able to look at him and not think, "I am just so sorry." Some day I will be able to stop trying to make it up to him on an hourly basis.
I remember telling J during those first few months that baby B deserved so much better than me. That he was so perfect, and wasn't it his rotten luck to get stuck with a momma like me. And then the lightswitch went on and things got a million times better and I realized that he got a pretty kick-ass momma. I will always be honest and forthcoming with him. I love him to absolute pieces and would never let harm befall him.
But I'll still likely tell him I'm sorry on a daily basis. Because I am.
From the deepest depths of my soul I'm sorry, my sweet boy.
Monday, June 25, 2012
She can write "t"!
I've been working letters with Miss H. Her being able to see the letter and know the sound it makes. Everything I've read says to teach the sound, not the letter's name, so that it's easier to learn to read. That makes sense to me, so that's what we're doing.
I've been teaching her with some homemade cards and glitter glue until I take the time to order her the sandpaper letters I really want (which I could easily be doing right now...). Anyway, we've only been doing this for a little over a week, but she knows "t", "m", "h", "i", and is about 60/40 on "a". But I'm impressed enough.
I haven't even tried to teach her to write them. I just want her to learn the sounds they make first. Well, she was on the floor yesterday with J, playing with her magnadoodle, and starts loudly squealing "tuh! tuh! tuh!" We both look down, and sure enough, she had written the letter "t" all on her own!
I'm likely easily impressed, and I'm okay with that. Because she absolutely blew my mind!
I've been teaching her with some homemade cards and glitter glue until I take the time to order her the sandpaper letters I really want (which I could easily be doing right now...). Anyway, we've only been doing this for a little over a week, but she knows "t", "m", "h", "i", and is about 60/40 on "a". But I'm impressed enough.
I haven't even tried to teach her to write them. I just want her to learn the sounds they make first. Well, she was on the floor yesterday with J, playing with her magnadoodle, and starts loudly squealing "tuh! tuh! tuh!" We both look down, and sure enough, she had written the letter "t" all on her own!
I'm likely easily impressed, and I'm okay with that. Because she absolutely blew my mind!
Things I wish I'd known BEFORE I had a baby
A good friend of mine is pregnant. I'm so excited for her as she enters this next chapter of her life. I wrote her an email with some of the things I wish others had told me before having my babes.
I can vividly remember being pregnant with my first. That's when the world of parenthood is so exciting, so daunting, and such a mystery. You buy silly, frivolous things that you've become certain are necessities (nursery bedding, anyone?). You set yourself so firmly in your ideals that you cannot imagine anything else (Baby will sleep in his own bed for a solid 12 hours by the time he's 6 months...).
So here is a compilation of just a few things I wish I'd known before having my first babe.
1.)Ditch the travel system and just invest in a really good convertible car seat. Like a Britax Boulevard (safest car seat rating). Yeah, it's going to run your about $250-$275 from diapers.com or albeebaby.com (they always have decent deals), BUT, a travel system is about $150 if it's a cheap one, typically more than that though, and then you're going to have to buy a convertible seat anyways at about 6 mos, and even a cheap one is going to be $80-$100, so why not put that money toward a super safe, comfortable seat that the baby can use for a good 5 years, ya know?
2.) If you buy entertainment things, purchase them from Craigslist or a second hand store. They use them for such a short period of time. And really, I wouldn't bother having any until after the babe is here and you can go to Target or something and actually put them in the swing and see if they like it. All babes are different. H LOVED the swing, but hated the bouncer. B was the exact opposite. Both hated exersaucers. And those are a huge waste of money anyway. A few toys and a blanket does the same thing.
3.) If you don't want to co-sleep with the baby, I'd still skip the bassinet. If you want baby in your room, just stick the crib in there until you're ready to put baby in his own room. Easier, and cheaper, and you don't have to "transition" to the crib.
4.) If you plan to breastfeed, DON'T buy formula "just in case", and don't let them "top her up" in the hospital until your "milk comes in." Breastfeeding SUCKS for the first 2-6 weeks. You are 99% likely to WANT to stop. So if you don't have the ability, i.e., no formula and bottle lying around, you'll keep going. And once you get past the hard part, it's such a freaking breeze.
5.) Don't invest in a "baby bath". Either bathe him in the sink, or take him into the shower with you. When he's super tiny, take him in, rinse him off, hand him out to your spouse to dry off. Super easy. And babies don't need all that baby soap and crap. Until they have real hair, water will suffice. And even then, I just wash H's hair with conditioner.
6.) Be flexible. Regardless of what you believe as far as parenting, remember your baby is on their own agenda. I know of parents who badly wanted to co-sleep, but whose baby very much needed their own space to sleep. And then vice versa of course, those who wanted their babies in their own beds, but their babies had different ideas (us!).
7.) If you plan to breastfeed, make sure you have SUPPORT. Even if that support is in the form of your well-informed husband who can tell you during the worst moments the reasons you chose to breastfeed- both for you AND baby's health. And he can also remind you how freaking expensive formula is. That being said, make sure you also have the support for if it just genuinely isn't working out for you and/or baby, that there is someone to tell you that it's okay- your baby will be fine on formula. Both momma and baby need to have a good and positive experience with breastfeeding. And if someone isn't happy in that relationship, it needs to change. And that's okay!
8.) Don't stock up on one particular brand of diapers unless it's relatively chemical free, like 7th Generation. Some babies have bad reaction to some brands of diapers. It would suck to have 500 diapers you can't use.
9.) And lastly, don't be afraid to ask for help. It's one of the hardest things as a parent to do, but really, one of the best when you are able to do it. (I'm still working on this one...immensely...)
Anyway, take it or leave it. I'm sure there is plenty more, but this is all I can think of off the top of my head, and baby B just woke up...
I can vividly remember being pregnant with my first. That's when the world of parenthood is so exciting, so daunting, and such a mystery. You buy silly, frivolous things that you've become certain are necessities (nursery bedding, anyone?). You set yourself so firmly in your ideals that you cannot imagine anything else (Baby will sleep in his own bed for a solid 12 hours by the time he's 6 months...).
So here is a compilation of just a few things I wish I'd known before having my first babe.
1.)Ditch the travel system and just invest in a really good convertible car seat. Like a Britax Boulevard (safest car seat rating). Yeah, it's going to run your about $250-$275 from diapers.com or albeebaby.com (they always have decent deals), BUT, a travel system is about $150 if it's a cheap one, typically more than that though, and then you're going to have to buy a convertible seat anyways at about 6 mos, and even a cheap one is going to be $80-$100, so why not put that money toward a super safe, comfortable seat that the baby can use for a good 5 years, ya know?
2.) If you buy entertainment things, purchase them from Craigslist or a second hand store. They use them for such a short period of time. And really, I wouldn't bother having any until after the babe is here and you can go to Target or something and actually put them in the swing and see if they like it. All babes are different. H LOVED the swing, but hated the bouncer. B was the exact opposite. Both hated exersaucers. And those are a huge waste of money anyway. A few toys and a blanket does the same thing.
3.) If you don't want to co-sleep with the baby, I'd still skip the bassinet. If you want baby in your room, just stick the crib in there until you're ready to put baby in his own room. Easier, and cheaper, and you don't have to "transition" to the crib.
4.) If you plan to breastfeed, DON'T buy formula "just in case", and don't let them "top her up" in the hospital until your "milk comes in." Breastfeeding SUCKS for the first 2-6 weeks. You are 99% likely to WANT to stop. So if you don't have the ability, i.e., no formula and bottle lying around, you'll keep going. And once you get past the hard part, it's such a freaking breeze.
5.) Don't invest in a "baby bath". Either bathe him in the sink, or take him into the shower with you. When he's super tiny, take him in, rinse him off, hand him out to your spouse to dry off. Super easy. And babies don't need all that baby soap and crap. Until they have real hair, water will suffice. And even then, I just wash H's hair with conditioner.
6.) Be flexible. Regardless of what you believe as far as parenting, remember your baby is on their own agenda. I know of parents who badly wanted to co-sleep, but whose baby very much needed their own space to sleep. And then vice versa of course, those who wanted their babies in their own beds, but their babies had different ideas (us!).
7.) If you plan to breastfeed, make sure you have SUPPORT. Even if that support is in the form of your well-informed husband who can tell you during the worst moments the reasons you chose to breastfeed- both for you AND baby's health. And he can also remind you how freaking expensive formula is. That being said, make sure you also have the support for if it just genuinely isn't working out for you and/or baby, that there is someone to tell you that it's okay- your baby will be fine on formula. Both momma and baby need to have a good and positive experience with breastfeeding. And if someone isn't happy in that relationship, it needs to change. And that's okay!
8.) Don't stock up on one particular brand of diapers unless it's relatively chemical free, like 7th Generation. Some babies have bad reaction to some brands of diapers. It would suck to have 500 diapers you can't use.
9.) And lastly, don't be afraid to ask for help. It's one of the hardest things as a parent to do, but really, one of the best when you are able to do it. (I'm still working on this one...immensely...)
Anyway, take it or leave it. I'm sure there is plenty more, but this is all I can think of off the top of my head, and baby B just woke up...
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Words hurt
We ran to the mall this afternoon, after attending a birthday party. I left Miss H with J at Target while I ran to grab something quickly from a different store, lugging baby B with me. As I passed American Eagle, I sadly overheard a mother tell her daughter, who looked to be about 10 or 11, "I am not paying thirty dollars for a pair of shorts that you're just going to eat yourself out of in a few weeks anyway."
Seriously, my heart broke for that little girl. There were SO many things wrong with that situation.
1.) That's her mother! The one person in the world who is supposed to love, support, be kind and gentle, and give words of praise. Not a person who should degrade or bully her!!
2.) She's a little girl! Why would anyone say such a hateful thing to a little girl, let alone to their own child!?
3.) She's a little girl! She doesn't buy the groceries or get to make food choices, her momma does! How sad that her mother would put that on her child. She's under 18. She doesn't decide what goes in the cart.
There are a lot more thing that were wrong with that scenario, but I digress. I walked into Target, holding baby B closer with tears threatening to make me look weak, and J was immediately all over that, asking what had happened. I immediately told him what I had overheard, which, of course, pissed him off.
"Unfortunately we live in a world where it's acceptable to make fun of and degrade our children. And many people do it in a joking manner, so they think it's okay. But I guarantee you it's not okay to the kid."
"I know," I agreed. Because I do.
I really wish I'd had the courage to intervene and say something instead of just walking on by like a shocked, appalled, crybaby.
I'll say an extra little prayer for that sweet girl tonight. I hope she realizes that she's beautiful, whether her shorts are a size 4 or 14. And I'll pray for her momma, too. That she realizes the same thing of her perfect daughter.
Because our children deserve better from us.
Seriously, my heart broke for that little girl. There were SO many things wrong with that situation.
1.) That's her mother! The one person in the world who is supposed to love, support, be kind and gentle, and give words of praise. Not a person who should degrade or bully her!!
2.) She's a little girl! Why would anyone say such a hateful thing to a little girl, let alone to their own child!?
3.) She's a little girl! She doesn't buy the groceries or get to make food choices, her momma does! How sad that her mother would put that on her child. She's under 18. She doesn't decide what goes in the cart.
There are a lot more thing that were wrong with that scenario, but I digress. I walked into Target, holding baby B closer with tears threatening to make me look weak, and J was immediately all over that, asking what had happened. I immediately told him what I had overheard, which, of course, pissed him off.
"Unfortunately we live in a world where it's acceptable to make fun of and degrade our children. And many people do it in a joking manner, so they think it's okay. But I guarantee you it's not okay to the kid."
"I know," I agreed. Because I do.
I really wish I'd had the courage to intervene and say something instead of just walking on by like a shocked, appalled, crybaby.
I'll say an extra little prayer for that sweet girl tonight. I hope she realizes that she's beautiful, whether her shorts are a size 4 or 14. And I'll pray for her momma, too. That she realizes the same thing of her perfect daughter.
Because our children deserve better from us.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Big families impress me
Most days I feel like I'm going to lose my cookies with just the two kiddos. And seriously, anyone with even one child is a rock star in my book, so when I see people with 2+, I'm always amazed. Especially when they are such calm, well-mannered, well-behaved kids.
Not going to lie, I don't really look forward to running errands with two babes in tow. It seems like a task that would take me 20 minutes takes 2 hours when I have kids with. It drives me a bit insane.
But I do it. Obviously. J has been gone far more than he has been home since baby B was born. And it's not like we could go 10 months without eating! So I run all my errands with the kids, and really, it's become second nature. It's only when I get small indulgences and run to the store for tomatoes all by myself, that I remember how much easier it is on my own.
Or when I see someone with half a dozen kids and think that surely I shouldn't feel insane with just two!
While picking up some snack foods at Target today (we finally got Plum Organics here!), both babes in tow, plus J, which is always handy, we came across a lady with seven, yes, seven, children. All under the age of 10 roughly.
These children were all well-groomed, they stood beside or were nicely seated in the cart. The oldest pushed a stroller where the youngest babe sat in her bucket seat. That smiling baby alone amazed me! We had to give up the bucket seat long, long ago as baby B would just scream in it. And this sweet girl looked fairly older than baby B, but she just smiled on.
All the children smiled at us, none of them were loud. I had to do a double take at my own little baby, yelling in gibberish to me from his seat in the cart while my little tyrant of a daughter filled my cart with whatever she cared to put in there. The baby had milk spots on his onesie from where I'd just fed him and he'd been distracted and yeah...there'd been milk everywhere.
Miss H's pigtails were lopsided, her lips had a coffee mustaches (don't slay me!). I only had two babes and J was with today, and my kids were still mussed up by 10am, loud, and probably more rambunctious than this lady's brew had ever dreamed of being.
I wanted to ask her her secrets. How she got them all to be so calm and sweet and ever so behaved.
And not just her. But all big families I've come across. I mean, really, how many times have you come across a family with more than 5 kids and thought "Well, those kids are crazy little buggers?" I mean, typically kids of many are always so sweet and well-behaved. At least around here.
They amaze me. They impress me. They astound me.
They make me want to have half a dozen.
Until I realize that adding four more would not make my kids behave differently. They'd still be crazy, jumping off the walls, independent, stubborn, sassy, wonderful babes. I'd just have more of them.
And way less sanity.
But seriously, I bow to the mommas out there who do it. You're Goddesses. You really are.
Not going to lie, I don't really look forward to running errands with two babes in tow. It seems like a task that would take me 20 minutes takes 2 hours when I have kids with. It drives me a bit insane.
But I do it. Obviously. J has been gone far more than he has been home since baby B was born. And it's not like we could go 10 months without eating! So I run all my errands with the kids, and really, it's become second nature. It's only when I get small indulgences and run to the store for tomatoes all by myself, that I remember how much easier it is on my own.
Or when I see someone with half a dozen kids and think that surely I shouldn't feel insane with just two!
While picking up some snack foods at Target today (we finally got Plum Organics here!), both babes in tow, plus J, which is always handy, we came across a lady with seven, yes, seven, children. All under the age of 10 roughly.
These children were all well-groomed, they stood beside or were nicely seated in the cart. The oldest pushed a stroller where the youngest babe sat in her bucket seat. That smiling baby alone amazed me! We had to give up the bucket seat long, long ago as baby B would just scream in it. And this sweet girl looked fairly older than baby B, but she just smiled on.
All the children smiled at us, none of them were loud. I had to do a double take at my own little baby, yelling in gibberish to me from his seat in the cart while my little tyrant of a daughter filled my cart with whatever she cared to put in there. The baby had milk spots on his onesie from where I'd just fed him and he'd been distracted and yeah...there'd been milk everywhere.
Miss H's pigtails were lopsided, her lips had a coffee mustaches (don't slay me!). I only had two babes and J was with today, and my kids were still mussed up by 10am, loud, and probably more rambunctious than this lady's brew had ever dreamed of being.
I wanted to ask her her secrets. How she got them all to be so calm and sweet and ever so behaved.
And not just her. But all big families I've come across. I mean, really, how many times have you come across a family with more than 5 kids and thought "Well, those kids are crazy little buggers?" I mean, typically kids of many are always so sweet and well-behaved. At least around here.
They amaze me. They impress me. They astound me.
They make me want to have half a dozen.
Until I realize that adding four more would not make my kids behave differently. They'd still be crazy, jumping off the walls, independent, stubborn, sassy, wonderful babes. I'd just have more of them.
And way less sanity.
But seriously, I bow to the mommas out there who do it. You're Goddesses. You really are.
Sometimes being a good mom sucks
Like when you have amazingly beautiful, ripe blackberries and sun sugar tomatoes in your garden. And you fantasize all morning about eating them. And when you finally go outside to pick them your kids look at you in horror - like how could you eat their succulent fruits? So instead you just crawl through weeds and lift up berry branches so they can find and pick all the ripe ones themselves and devour them as if they are the ambrosia of the Gods. Yeah, I don't care who you are, sometimes being a "good" mom just sucks. That's all I'm saying.
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