The ease of three

I know, I know. Just by the title I have people shooting daggers at me.

As if I’m over here being some super woman with her shit together like it’s no big deal.

Trust me. I’m not.

Not even close.

But three kiddos?

Yeah, it’s not so hard.

Now before you get twitchy, let me explain.

One little baby was challenging.

 

Two little babies were challenging.

 

Three little babies are still challenging.

But with each addition, the challenge changed. It was different.

Before sweet M was even conceived I read an article (maybe a study, but I don’t think it was that fancy, so probably not) that three is the most stressful number of kids to have. The article was so compelling it actually made me stop and think, “huh, are we sure we want three kids?” for entire thirty seconds.

 
The premise was that once you have three you’re outnumbered.

Well, sure. When you and your partner (if you have one) are together. But I spend my days running this gig solo while the lovely J supports my retirement leisure by having a paying job outside of the house (he knows I appreciate him immensely for that!). I was all ready outnumbered with H and B. But we ventured all over the state, drove 12+ hours just the three of us, even flew to Hawaii sans J – all like a boss. I got this.

Three is just adding to the crazy. Now we have to slow down a bit more. I have to read books to kids while I’m nursing a baby and brush kids’ hair and teeth one-handed. After I’ve got two big kids tucked away in bed I have to lull a sweet babe to sleep before resuming downstairs to my normal evening routine with J.

 

Is it the same as having two kids?

Nope.

 
Is it harder?

Nope.

Is it easier?

Nope.

It’s just different.

But really, in some ways, adding sweet M was the easiest addition of the three. I’m way more relaxed and laid back at this point. When he has his fussy period in the evening I just hold him and tell him I get it, he needs to cry and I will just love on him until he’s done. With H and B it seriously stressed me the fuck out. Them crying and me not able to “fix” it was absolute kryptonite for me. Of course I don’t enjoy hearing my baby cry, but it isn’t stress inducing this go-round.

I don’t feel the need to be wonder woman and do it all.

 

With H, I really felt like life just needed to resume as it was. Everyone kept telling me not to change anything, just to simply include her in it. Way easier said than done, fyi, but I gave it a really good go. And was pretty much not loving it. And with B, yeah, I really felt like I had to keep my shit together and be amazing because I had PPD and felt like I was a terrible person who had to keep that shit under wraps. Surprise! I was still amazing.

But with the third? I stayed in bed for two weeks nursing a sweet baby and let J run the show and my friends bring us dinner and completely let go of my utter need to be a control freak and do it all. Who cared if the floors only got vacuumed every other day or there were dishes in the sink? The world wasn’t going to end.

I think the more relaxing transition into three has made all of it that much easier. Basically, between J’s gentle coaching and my determination to be a peaceful and calm parent, a lot of my type A personality had all ready dwindled from my being. But what was lingering on was pretty much lost once sweet M came into the world, which made having three that much easier.

 

I also found my really strong, big-girl voice. You know, the same one I’m telling my daughter to use all the time. I can say no and I do say no and I’m really battling my overwhelming need and desire to please everyone all the time. I’m accepting that I am only in charge of my own happiness and not anyone else’s. If others feel hurt, mad, whatever, because of something I do or say, that is on them, not me. I’ve never based my emotions off of other people, so I’m working really hard to give myself the same freedom of not being responsible for others emotions.

I feel like with each babe I’ve become more laid back and relaxed with life in general. A better person, at least for myself and my family. So I guess it’s really not surprising that three has been pretty much an ease.

Can you imagine how great four would be?