Q&A with H&B

A little unprompting Q&A with the kids to see what they really think of me. This was interesting...

H, age 5.

1.)    What is something that Mom always says to you? Don’t eat candy without eating nutritious food.

2.)    What makes Mom happy? Having a hug.

3.)    What makes Mom sad? When I don’t do good things for you.

4.)    How does your mom make you laugh? When you say funny things to me.

5.)    What was your mom like as a child? Going to school.

6.)    How old is your mom? 17.

7.)    How tall is your mom? 17 inches.

8.)    What does your mom do when you’re not around? Go to the grocery store.

9.)    If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? For a show.

10.)What is your mom’s favorite thing to do? Watch General Hospital.

11.)What is your mom really good at? Writing letters.

12.)What is your mom not very good at? Ice skating.

13.)What does your mom do for a job? Help babies. And give momma’s diapers for babies with Heiny Helpers.

14.)What is your mom’s favorite food? Everything.

15.)What makes you proud of your mom? When you can whistle.

16.)If your mom was a character, who would she be? Um, this is really strange. But Belle.

17.)What do you and your mom do together? Eat lunch.

18.)How are you and your mom the same? We both have brown hair.

19.)How are you and your mom different? Um…um…I just can’t think of anything. You’re bigger than me.

20.)How do you know your mom loves you? You say “I love you” 117 times a day.

21.)What does your mom like most about your dad?  That he’s handsome.

22.)Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? Alabama.

23.)How old was your mom when you were born? 60.

 

 

B, age 3

 

1.)    What is something that Mom always says to you? Naughty stuff like “no.”

2.)    What makes Mom happy? Say kind things.

3.)    What makes Mom sad? Does bad stuff.

4.)    How does your mom make you laugh? Does funny stuff.

5.)    What was your mom like as a child? Playing games.

6.)    How old is your mom? 15

7.)    How tall is your mom? 70 inches.

8.)    What does your mom do when your not around? Go somewhere.

9.)    If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? For walking somewhere.

10.)What is your mom’s favorite thing to do? Play!

11.)What is your mom really good at? Reading books!

12.)What is your mom not very good at? Ice skating.

13.)What does your mom do for a job? Practice.

14.)What is your mom’s favorite food? Spicy stuff.

15.)What makes you proud of your mom? Giving hugs and kisses.

16.)If your mom was a character, who would she be? Junie B. Jones.

17.)What do you and your mom do together? Play games.

18.)How are you and your mom the same? Because we are always growing hair.

19.)How are you and your mom different? We have different kinds of shirts.

20.)How do you know your mom loves you? Because I think it and it’s in my brain.

21.)What does your mom like most about your dad? Because you love him.

22.)Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?  To the zoo!

23.)How old was your mom when you were born? 16.

 

 

 

Trusting H to make the big decisions

I expected tears.  A little bit of sadness at the very least when I crossed the threshold of my sweet girl's kindergarten classroom. But there was none.

Not from me. Not from her.

Unlike most other days when I came to pick her up, she didn't linger in the room to check out one more thing on one of the busy tables; she didn't ask to spend a few more minutes with friends.

Instead she took my hand into hers, and I immediately noticed the shift; it is usually me who takes her tiny hand into mine. But here she was, strong and powerful and full of so much confidence.

"Ready?" I asked.

She smiled and chirped, "Ready!"

We wrangled her little brother and headed out into the lovely sun. As she buckled herself into her carseat she beamed at me, "I'm all done, Momma! No more school!"

"No more school," I murmured back.

H requested to go to school last year. J and I were both slightly apprehensive because it wasn't really a part of our plan, and our #1 choice school was simply out of our budget. But H insisted, and we've always trusted her.

I've been told by numerous people that we give such a tiny girl so much power over herself. We let her make the big decisions that "children shouldn't be allowed to make." Maybe so. But we feel confident that this is the right choice for our children.

When H was learning to back float last summer she was a bit apprehensive of sinking. She had it down, but was still lacking the complete confidence that she was an absolute rock star. She shook her head at me when I tried coaxing her to try again.

"H," I had said to her, "Do you trust me?"

She stared at me hard with those large, wise, know-all eyes that are beautiful windows straight into her timeless soul, and nodded her head.

I held my hand out of her and she took it. As she floated on her back, my hand barely holding her there, she sputtered at me, "Do you trust me?"

"Always," I replied.

"Let go!"

And I did.

And she floated.

When she asked to attend kindergarten, we made it happen. J and I were her biggest allies and most enthusiastic supporters. We kept any thoughts or opinions that maybe didn't fully line up with school to ourselves and we rallied her on throughout her quest.

But I won't lie. When the time came to enroll her into school for next year, and I mentioned it to her, I wasn't an ounce disappointed when she said, "I'm all done, Momma. I'm doing kindergarten. But that's it. I just want to be home with you for now."

When it is her choice, there is no sadness when things end. She is so fully confident. She accomplished what she'd set out to do, and now it's time to move on. Her assuredness in herself is amazing. She always looks forward to the next task, the next goal, the next adventure. And she will complete and conquer them each time. There is no "try" in H speak. Because H always succeeds. Always.

I trust her so unconditionally that it surprises me at times. We are taught that children aren't to be trusted. That they're not capable of making the big decisions. We were taught that when we ourselves were untrustworthy children.

But fortunately we do trust her. So completely. Because look at her. At that sweet, amazing girl. I'd like to take credit for all she's accomplished and become in five short years thus far, but that would be selfish. Sure, I've been there to guide and support, but ultimately, it's all her.

I don't know what the future will hold for her. I couldn't even begin to try and fathom it. For now, she says no more school. And for now, that's what we shall do.

But like all things, we will let her lead the path of her own life while we simply encourage and guide her. And trust her. Always, always trust her. Wherever it may lead.

Heartbeat Song

This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it...

 

 Note to self: Buy Raggedy Anne some new shoes. Yikes!

Just a day in the life of...

Mini bike-athon and soccer...words will come some other day...

I don't love Mother's Day

Mother's Day has come and gone. Hoorah. Or not. Depending on who you are, I suppose.

I'm one of those people who feel pretty indifferent about the "holiday" - though I lean toward against it.

It's such a commercial, Hallmark holiday. I know, I know. It originated back during the Roman times or something outrageously long ago like that, so it's not really a Hallmark holiday, but let's all just be honest. It's just as Hallmark as Valentine's Day (which also has a long dated history and has been extremely commercialized, but I digress...).

It's no secret I love motherhood. There is seriously nothing else I'd rather be doing every single day, all day. It's my calling, my passion, my "thing," whatever word you'd like to use to define it. I mean, I was the kid who genuinely didn't feel called to any passion or career and then I had a kid myself and it all clicked. It all made sense to me. This is it. What I want. Who I am.

People still ask me frequently what I'm "going to do when I grow up" despite me being pretty clear that this is pretty much it. I'm just Momma. I have zero desire to work outside of the home right now. I can't say what the future will hold for me, because things change and I get that, but for the foreseeable future, this is it. Maybe someday I will rally for peaceful and non-punitive parenting. Maybe I will be involved in someday making spanking in the US illegal (that would be the day!). Who knows. But for now, I wouldn't change a second of how I spent my time (okay....maybe slightly more uninterrupted sleep!).

So a day in which most mother's either happily get lavished with gifts and cuisine or end up begrudgingly doing the day to day grind of motherhood just isn't my thing. Sure, it's a nice idea to "celebrate mothers" but it's also so much more complicated than that. So much more. (Insert 40 page essay here about the different women we view as "mothers" in our life, the loss of mothers, mothers who are childless, etc., etc.)

Most of my friends yesterday were either sharing gorgeous photos and lovely little essays or snippets about how freaking wonderful motherhood is (and I wholeheartedly agree pretty much every day; I'm not really a "put on a happy face for just one special day" kinda gal), or they were upset that their spouse didn't let them sleep in or they didn't get x gifts, yadda yadda yadda. And I get it. I really do.

I have zero expectations about Mother's Day, but I have always had big expectations for my birthday ever since I was a little kid. (It was always an epic let down if you want to know). Fortunately, I was able to transfer that need of a celebration of me to my children, and their birthdays are much more important to me now than my own has ever been.

But I digress. Again.

It's freaking awesome to sleep in. To have breakfast in bed. Maybe to get a spa day or a special luncheon. Flowers. Whatever it is that make you tick. But I don't want/need those things on one certain day of the year. In fact, if they came on Mother's Day because Hallmark told my husband and children to do it then, I'd be a little pissed because there is zero thought that goes into that really. My husband and children step up to the plate daily, making my life beautiful and making me feel cherished. My husband regularly makes me breakfast and lets me sleep in. He and the kids pick up flowers when they're grocery shopping. They run errands without me so I can enjoy some time alone. They fend for themselves - happily - so I can grab dinner with friends. I could go on and on. But the point is, they make me feel loved and truly appreciated every day. Not just on one designated day.

But you know what? Some days just don't live up to expectation. Some mornings I really want to sleep in because I was up six times with H in the middle of the night, but B wakes up at 5am and although J tries to get up with him, B just isn't having anyone but me, so I'm the one up and awake while J sleeps in.

Some days I'm exhausted and a little spent and don't want to have to grab groceries and run errands with both kids in tow but J is on travel so it just isn't even a choice. Or I want to get an hour to myself and I just can't. And that's just part of life.

I won't feel extra loved if the better days happen to fall on Mother's Day and I won't feel less appreciated if Mother's Day happens to be one of our more challenging days. It just doesn't even make a difference. Every day is a celebration of being parents and children and having a lovely family. Who cares what day the calendar proclaims it to be?

So no, I don't love Mother's Day. Not because it's disappointing or a let down, but because I view every day as Mother's Day, and I dislike designating one day to celebrate and cherish something so beautiful that really should be honored daily. And not just for moms, but for dads too. Whole families.

Yes, Moms are great. Yes, we should tell them we love them and appreciate them. Of course.

But do it on a day that you're not "told" to do so. It means a lot more.