Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Let it be

Today was one of those days. Yes, one of those. You know what I'm talking about.

Where you feel like you're deep in the trenches and desperately wondering if you'll make it out in one piece.

I have six laundry baskets of clean clothes sitting in various places in my house that I cannot seem to get put away.

I've re-washed H's sleeping bag three times because I don't have the energy to pull the clothes out of the dryer and put the sleeping bag in.

There are endless mountains of dishes in my sink and I cannot figure out where they are coming from because I feel like washing them is all I'm doing in my "free time." I put free time in quotes because when free times is washing dishes...is it really free time?

I've pretty much given up getting H's reading book done before summer. I guess that's the beauty of homeschooling; we can go off of "mom is frazzled" schedule.

I'm trying to remember if I brushed and flossed everyone's teeth today and lamenting that I probably won't find the time to work out or read more to the kids other than what we read while at Barnes and Noble. Mostly, I'm feeling like something has to give today, because all my marbles are rolling.

Sweet M is too cool for sleep. So while I walk around like a zombie, trying to coax him into a slumberland that sounds heavenly to me, he's all "naaaah, lady, not for me. Try again later!" So instead I examine the umpteenth rash that has sprouted on his face and likely means my all ready dwindling diet is going to lose something else. And let me tell you, my babies never get rashes and reflux and projectile vomit from foods like lettuce and beets. No, that would be too easy. It's from things like dairy and coffee and eggs. Foods I actually enjoying eating. So there is that.

So as I'm laying in bed at 3pm with M in my arms, too afraid to move or make a peep because he's finally asleep and H and B are playing so nicely...somewhere...I look down at that sweet face wondering what kind of crazy I got myself into and right there, right in my arms, is exactly what I need. A sweet, perfect baby wearing a onesie that reads, "there will be an answer, let it be." Lyrics from one of my favorite songs ever (and the onesie from one of my favorite people ever).

Let it be.

And I take in that sweet, perfect baby smell. And I listen to my lovely H and B in the room next door, chattering away and coming up with great schemes and ideas, and sweet M holds onto my finger for dear life, and it's okay.

Lord knows that more days than not I do not have my shit together. And throwing another monkey into this circus has just added to the beautiful crazy of it all.

But I also wouldn't change it for the world. One day the laundry will all be put away. I will be well-rested and very definitive that I flossed my teeth that day. I'll be able to eat anything I want and I won't have to worry about ensuring my kids get an education amidst all of our crazy days.

But that's because they'll be grown up. There won't be any babies to keep me awake all night or to watch, milk drunk, in my arms while they sleep. There won't be any sweet kids asking me to read them books or help them to find their pink tutu. I won't have hampers flowing with clothes for small people because they'll be grown and gone, and goodness, I know I will miss this. So much.

So for now, I'll just take it all, no matter how hectic and exhausting some days are. Because it is exactly what I want. What I need.

A deep breath.

Let it be.

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