In which society failed my child

When I think of B, I think of crazy, long, blonde curls.

He is so much more than that hair though; don't get me wrong. He's funny, sweet, sensitive, creative, friendly, loving.

But sensitive might be the key word right now.

I can say to H, "Please don't do that" and she will look at me with a face that says, "I will do whatever I please, and we both know it." I can say "Please don't do that" to B and he will break down sobbing as if I criticized the very core of his being.

I've always feared a little more for him than I have my eldest child. Because B takes everything so deeply to heart. It's such a beautiful attribute of his. But also one that carries so much weight and will be a hurdle for him all of his life.

For months now B has been asking to cut his hair. B, the sweet boy who has always so fiercely loved his long hair, who'd stand still and let me brush it rather than have it even slightly trimmed. B, who defended his long hair to anyone and everyone.

But slowly, the weight has been too heavy a burden for him to carry.

So many people calling him a lovely little girl.

So many people, even if jokingly, telling him he needed a hair cut.

Those people, all of those people who thought they had any right to comment on his appearance at all, much less dictate to him how he "should" look, they should all be deeply ashamed of themselves.

Because today that criticism became too much for him.

Today society failed my child and crushed a part of him.

Instead of noticing what a funny boy he is or how strong he is or how well he plays soccer or how knowledgeable he is about dinosaurs, too many people focused on his hair until he decided he'd rather give up something he loved than to constantly be criticized by others.

Yeah, that sucks.

He's four and all ready learning how much people just suck.

I'm angry for him. So angry that other people felt compelled to impose their gender norms on him. So angry that I couldn't do a better job protecting him from that. So angry that not only did every person who made a negative comment about his hair, even in jest, fail him, but that I, his mother, failed him by not getting through to him that no one else's opinion of him matters. All that matters is how he feels about himself.

I talk so regularly to my children about how it isn't important what others think of us. That we all have our quirks, and that we should dress and look and act (within appropriateness) however we please, even if others don't agree. But for sweet, sensitive B, that just hasn't been enough.

He needed to hear from more than just J and I that he is so perfect however he chooses. But he didn't. All he heard was how he should change.

Well. He did.

And a part of him will be forever changed.

Also, if you think this is about hair, you don't understand at all.