When the age gap is apparent

J is 17 years older than me. I pretty much never think about it to be honest. We're on the same level. It works.

Until tonight.

Tonight he asked what I wanted to do to bring in the New Year. Half jokingly...okay, I wasn't joking at all, I told him we should have a netflix marathon of Dawson's Creek. He looked at me like I was Ted Bundy. As if he truly had no idea who the woman he married is.

"No one wants to watch Dawson's Creek more than once. That isn't natural," he finally said.

"Well," I started. "I was like 10 when it started. So it'd technically be my first time. At least for the high school years."

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he had a coronary just then.

13 New Years Resolutions for 2013

Somehow it's going to be New Years Day tomorrow. I didn't even realize that today was New Years Eve until I saw it on a friends status last night. Yep. I'm so on top of things these days!

In my defense I'm night weaning B (you thought I did that back in May, right? I did. For one night. After that he went all ape shit crazy and I had a lot of guilt still from when H was a baby so I said fuck it.) He's actually pretty unphased, but he's also cutting 6 teeth, so pretty terrible timing of me. So now he thinks 4am is a great wake up time. But I can't really complain, since he's been super amenable to the night weaning with no tears or fussing...

Anyway, I've never been one for New Years resolutions, but I figure it can't hurt. Maybe actually putting it down to visibly see will motivate my bum to actually do all this. Maybe...

So here are my 13 New Years Resolutions:

1.)    The obligatory get my ass in shape by 25 and eat healthier (I know some of you are rolling your eyes at this one, but seriously, I can always do better)

2.)    Be a better parent.

3.) Upcycle more clothes for the kidlets.

4.)    DIY projects:

a.)    wedding song lyrics on canvases

b.)    H’s duvet

c.)    Paint fridge

d.)   And other things that float my boat

5.)    Coffee bar

6.)    H and B’s rooms set up and completed – waaaay too many details to list, but also includes a LOT of DIY

7.)    Picture frame wall in bathroom

8.)    Write people letters/postcards, and get the kids involved, too!

9.)    More random acts of kindness – it makes all of us happier filling buckets.

10.)                        Meal plan, meal plan, meal plan!

11.)                        Finish project S&S

12.)                        Organize and print photos from past three years…

13.)                        Keep calm and carry on

Forgotten Birthdays

I love birthdays. Adore them. Always have.

Though it makes no reasonable sense. And for such a typically reasonable girl, I still can't figure out why I love birthdays so much.

My birthday. My husband's. My kids'. Everyones'.

And yet, my birthday has never been a "big deal." I didn't have big birthday parties as a kid, other than for my 9th birthday. In fact, more often than not I was handed a gift while my folks headed out to something bigger and better.

My 14th birthday was completely forgotten.

My 18th birthday I ordered my own cake. And picked it up. And ate it alone.

My babes birthday track record has only been slightly better. And they've only gotten three under their belts between them. At least for Miss H's first birthday pretty much all of our family acknowledged it, even though not many people celebrated with us. There were people there of course, both of her paternal grandpa's, her Grandma T, and her Aunt C. Plus friends. So it wasn't a fail by any means, even though there were also people who chose not to come for the most ridiculously petty reasons.

Then her second birthday rolled around. More friends, less family. And more family didn't acknowledge it.

And then poor baby B. I'm just glad he's too young to have known or noticed much about his birthday.

Though I shouldn't have expected much, since most of my family didn't even meet him until he was closing in on 9 months old! We did plan his party on a Tuesday, but since most of our family hadn't bothered for H's weekend parties, I figured it didn't matter. His friends would still be there. And they were. And it was lovely.

But most of his family didn't even send him a birthday card. Or a text or a phone call. I don't expect people to buy my children gifts. It's not needed, and not expected. But some sort of an acknowledgement is always nice. Especially when you're family.

So H has a box of all her 1st birthday cards which is in great surplus. And B has a box...which has very few.

Don't get me wrong. I loved their birthdays. We had fun. People we love and care about showed up to celebrate and the kids had marvelous times.

But I have this hang up with forgetting birthdays.

Probably because as a kid mine was easily forgotten.

So now I've taken my issues and put them on my kids.

Because that's how it goes.

I know I need to be sure they're not even aware of those who don't acknowledge their awesome days of birth. They need to celebrate in their own glory, and be extremely happy and thankful for those who do acknowledge and celebrate with them, whether it be in person or in spirit.

Because regardless as to whether or not other people remember the miraculous days my children entered this world, the day each year that they've come full circle and are now a year older, their momma will never forget.

No matter how busy or stressed or tired or whatever, I could never forget their birthdays. And I would never leave them to celebrate alone or to bake their own cake (unless they wanted).

So really, everyone and everything else is just icing on the cake, right?

"That means he loves me!"

Siblings are funny. That ridiculous love/hate relationship that they have.

One second H and B have me on the verge of a breakdown with their constant bickering and then the next my heart is utterly melting because they are so freaking sweet to each other.

Seriously, H is screaming at B for touching a toy and then two seconds later she riding the rocking turtle, prompting B to "Oh, be so careful! Watch your footsies, love!" so she doesn't accidentally hurt him if he gets too close.

The best melt my heart moment though came this morning when H ran into the kitchen where I was making them breakfast and squealed, "Mommy, mommy! B loves me! I said, 'I so love you' and then he said, 'I wuv oo!'. And that means he loves me!" The look of absolute ecstasy on her face can never be duplicated.

I've seen her excited about a lot of things. Books at Christmas. Fruit leather. But it doesn't compare to this morning.

So although I might lose my mind while they're figuring out their friendship and how to get along (and B is admittedly so freaking aggressive, I'm not sure he's my child), it will be worth it for those moments like this morning when their love for one another outshines all the whines and cries.

What is with the shaming photos of kids on the net?

Dude, what is up with the public humiliation of children? I thought it was bad enough having to witness kids being screamed at, put into time out, and/or spanked in public. But now it's been upped to a whole new level.

Photographs on the Internet.

The first form of this I saw was actually a video of the teenage girl whose father shot her laptop. I won't lie, at the time I thought he was bloody brilliant. The shooting of the laptop that is, not the filming of it and making it available for the world to see. Of course now I don't even agree with the shooting of the lap top. That whole situation, most especially everything that lead up to that moment was just a series of bad parenting, but oh well, not my problem. I'm just appalled he put it on the Internet.

But more than appalled, I'm extremely sad for all these little kids whose photos are being shared all over facebook. Typically they have signs that read of their wrongdoings, or they are with a sibling in a "get along" shirt.

I mean, obviously, I don't agree with sticking your kids in a shirt together as punishment. But I vehemently oppose photographing it for complete strangers to see! How disgusting. If this was done to any other group of people in the world other than children there would be hell to pay for it. People would not laugh, they would cry abuse! But not if it is done to the most fragile and vulnerable group of people in the world - our children.

I saw one photo of a girl holding a sign in the parking lot of Wal-Mar that stated she had back talked to her dad, and this was her punishment. WTF? If you are in the group of people who believe in punishments, why not at least make it be a natural consequence? Standing in a parking lot and having your "misbehavior" told to everyone is extreme humiliation. It doesn't serve the purpose of making the situation better. I can guarantee you that girl does not have remorse for what she did or any more respect for her father. Probably much, much less.

But we also seem to live in a world where fear is often confused as respect, and unfortunately many people are too dumb or simply don't care to see that. And that's sad.

But no worries! Because childism is totally legal. You can humiliate your child each and every way pretty much with no repercussions to yourself (just repercussions to your relationship with your child).

Think of all the kids whose photographs are out there forever now, for the whole world to see, in their most vulnerable state of humiliation and shame. Bravo, parents. Fucking bravo. You should only be so proud...

The most recent photo that has been making its rounds is of a boy, he looks about 9, holding a sign above a PS3 and a Captain America action figure. The sign reads something along the lines of : Because I wasn't grateful to receive this Captain America action figure from church, I have to return my PS3 that I was going to get for Christmas and use the money to buy other people gifts.

Well, they sure taught him.

I can actually respect these parents goal, but they went about it in a terribly horrible way. No way is that boy going to be more grateful next time. If anything, he is going to be far less giving in the future.

And the face on that boy is crushed. You can tell how sad, heart broken, and genuinely shamed he is. But maybe if his parents had taught him gratitude in the first place, this wouldn't have been an issue?

And who even knows what the whole situation was? Was he flat out rude about the gift when he received it? Or was he simply overheard mumbling and grumbling that he all ready had one or that he didn't like it? We'll probably never know. But regardless, publicly humiliating him is disgusting.

It's one thing to discuss your child's misdeeds and punishments with close family or friends. I think everyone does that, and needs to do that. We are not simply raising children, but people.And I think getting feedback on situations and hearing advice from other people is always beneficial, even if not always applicable.

But to announce it to the world: no. To photograph humiliating photos and share it with the Internet: no.

And yet so many people think this okay. I don't get it.

I try to always ask myself before reacting to my children, "Would I treat an adult like this?" If the answer is no, then I shouldn't be treating my child like that.

Would I tell a friend to stop talking? Would I insist a friend go to time-out while she sorts out her emotions? Would I walk away from a friend who was crying and in distress? Would I hit a friend "to teach them"?

Would I photograph a friend's inappropriate behaviour and then display them in all their shame for the world to see?

Hell no!

So why would anyone do that to their child?

Remember, how we treat our children is how they will treat the world when we're not looking. It is how they will treat their own children.

I for one do not want my children to ever think that shaming or humiliating someone is okay, publicly or not.

The least expected hardest and easiest of 2012

2012 is coming to end here shortly (and not because of the end of the world, I managed to survive that one! Now onto Zombie Apocalypse survival...I hope you can sense my extreme sarcasm here).

I can't believe it's almost over. A whole year has come and gone. A whole year of my babies growing, growing, growing. I'm fairly certain Miss H woke up 3 inches taller just today. So you can only imagine what a whole year has added up to (you know...she's like 73 feet tall at this point, of course!).

The year has had it's ups and downs, as have all years.

Instead of saying, "These were the hardest things this year" or "These were the easiest things this year" I'm going to tell you my top twelve least expected hardest/easiest parts of this past year.

We'll start with top 12 least expected hardest things this past year:

1.) Accepting that I am enough. I never realized how difficult this would be.
2.) Finding clothes that fit. Again, who'd have though that by getting skinnier, clothes would actually be harder to find. I assumed it would get easier.
3.) Finding cute boy shoes. Girl shoes are so easy to find. I figured boy shoes would be the same. I figured wrong.
4.) Disconnecting myself from the people I have unhealthy relationship with. One would think that realizing and accepting unhealthy relationships would be the challenge, and once you managed that, it'd be easy to throw in the towel. No such luck, my friends. No such luck.
5.) Getting my butt to the gym. Before I had kids I loved going to the gym. And I did so religiously. Getting back into that groove has been more difficult than I anticipated, though I'm getting there.
6.) Surviving the aftermath (my own emotional repercussions) of cutting all of my hair off. 'Nuff said on that one.
7.) Taking a decent photograph. Good camera does NOT equal good photo. But we're working on it.
8.) Surviving months 3-6 of "the 2's". Nothing could have prepared me. Nothing.
9.) Staying on top of laundry. Why is this so hard?
10.) Dealing with the babes growth spurts/growing pains. I had no idea growing pains were real. And they're fierce.
11.) Accepting that there will be no more babies. Once I was clear headed from the PPD, my first revelation and regret was that we were done having children. Accepting that was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
12.) Finding BBQ sauce that does not contain high fructose corn syrup. Dude, read the labels of all the BBQ sauces next time you are in the grocery store. You will know what I mean.

And on to the top 12 least expected easy parts of 2012.

1.) Finding artificial food coloring free candy canes. It's been so difficult to find AFC free treats when I want to get something particular. But the candy canes, they were just sitting there on the end shelf in the Co-op, patiently waiting for me. Bliss.
2.) Leaving H at preschool the second go around. The first time we tried preschool I was an emotional mess. I expected to be the same way when we tried in October. Not so much. At all.
3.) Overcoming post partum depression. I thought for sure that this one would be difficult. But once I had the right resources and tools, it was relatively easy to kick.
4.) Taking a 24 hour car ride with both kids (more than once!). My kids hate the car. Yet it was relatively painless.
5.) Moving H into her own bed. I was expecting tears and all around just a no-go. But she took to it like a pro. Sure, she still doesn't sleep through the night and ends up with us half way through, but the starting out in her own bed was too easy.
6.) Blogging. Apparently it's just really easy to say whatever I feel like without a censor. Who knew?
7.) Ridiculous amounts of purging. I learned how incredibly easy it is for me to pitch things. I have no sentimental value to anything with the exception of a few baby things from the kids. I have virtually nothing in storage anymore other than a few photo albums because it's been good willed if I don't use it or display it.
8.) Still being in the lovey-dovey stage of marriage despite having two toddlers. I have been warned since before our first was born that once you bring children into the relationship, your marriage changes. You no longer have time for cutes and cuddles with your spouse and your sex life goes downhill. But, our relationship is virtually unchanged with the exception of less exotic travels.
9.) Remaining calm when B knocked himself unconscious. Once, a 6 foot garter snake was within inches of me. I screamed like a banshee until someone rescued me. So I assumed I was a "freaker outer" but it turns out I'm not. I'm a freaking ray of calmness on a natural disaster day.
10.) Doing activities (park, library, pool, etc.) sans J, with two walking toddlers. Everyone had me prepared for hell and impossibility. But I say poo poo on that. Two is a piece of pie. Mostly.
11.) Dropping 25 pounds before even stepping foot in the gym. It's all in the food, baby. It's all in the food.
12.) Accepting help. I still cannot ask for it, but accepting it when offered proved incredibly easy. Who knew?

And there you have it folks. My 2012 in a nutshell with a pretty bow on top.

Gingerbread Man

Seriously, everyone needs an almost 3 year old. You know, just for shits and giggles.

Last night, as bedtime was approaching and I was changing B, J told H it was time to change into her jammies. We were all gathered in the living room (J's sister, husband, and son were visiting) as H slyly maneuvered around J, mumbling, "We'll...I think...now..." And as soon as she was out if arms reach she took off in a full sprint laughing, "You can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!"

Oh my goodness. We all laughed so hard we cried. J indulged her a few circles around the house. Then he playfully scooped her up while she shrieked, "No, fox, no! Don't get me!"

Needless to say, it was a very good way to conclude our Christmas.