Deeply. Unconditionally. Eternally.

So, we had a scary moment this morning. Everyone is fine, but for a split second I had a million thoughts of what it would be like to lose J.

And let me tell you - it was devastating.

Because a lot of people who read this know us in real-life, I won't discuss the details of what happened because I know J wouldn't like that. Whereas I'm an open book, he likes his privacy, and I try really hard to respect that, though admittedly it is hard sometimes.

Anyway. For that split second, before I realized what was going on, I thought he might die. And that terrifying realization that J is in fact, not immortal, was a harsh blow to reality.

We joke about him growing old. Me changing his diapers and wiping drool from his face. He always says if he gets to that point to hand him the keys and enjoy the life insurance travelling the world.

I would never do that. I tell him that. I would never let him go that easily. Because he is my heart. He is my love. He is irreplaceable and far too precious to simply let go without a fight. Even to old age and death.

I know that there is always the possibility that he could be hit by a bus today, or even that smidgen of a chance that he could up and leave me one day. My whole life is based on being at home. Being his wife. Being a mom to H and B. I rarely let my mind wonder to the "what ifs" of life. Because the truth is, I don't have an answer to everything.

I do have a plan for if he died or left me. Quite frankly, that was something we discussed together. Obviously we were discussing it as if he died, but it works for if he up and left me, too.

I love J. That's not a secret. But sometimes in the mundane day-to-day life, it gets lost a little. Not the love, but the extent of my love. I always try not to take him for granted, but I do. I know I do.

The fact that no matter the issue, no matter the problem, he has a solution, I take for granted. The fact that nothing ever makes him angry or stressed out, I take for granted. The fact that he doesn't say a word of dispute when he walks in after a long day, and I'm spent so I head for a long hot shower or grab the keys to have a few minutes of quiet grabbing a coffee or browsing the bookstore, I take for granted. The fact that I have everything I need, and I never have to worry about not having the things I need, I take for granted.

Yes, I certainly take him for granted. And I don't mean to. Most of the time I don't even realize it. And yet it happens.

But today has rattled my bones. It's a good reminder that he, nor anyone else, is immortal. That we all come and go, according to no particular schedule, with no control over it ourselves.

I have an amazing, beautiful, loving husband. And together we've created a family that is joy and perfection to my heart.

And today I will hold on to that just a little tighter. I'll be a lot more thankful and say an extra prayer of gratitude to the big man upstairs for providing me with so much - so much happiness and love. And for reminding today not to take it all for granted. Because it could all be lost in the blink of an eye. I certainly won't forget that.

So hold onto your spouse or significant other today just a little tighter. Remind yourself of all the reasons they're so amazing and all the reasons you fell in love with them. And tell them. Tell them you love them.

I tell J and the kids I love them every single day. Multiple times a day.

I used to ask J if it bugged him that I said it so much. Randomly. He always said no. And he always said, "I love you" back.

But I don't say it because I need the affirmation of his love. I say it because I want to be sure he never doubts is. I say it because I love him so much I can't keep myself from blurting it out all the time. I say it because if something were to ever happen to him, I want to know that one of the last things I said was that I love him. Deeply. Unconditionally. Eternally.