Who's got it harder

I've had this post in the back of my head for nearly a year. I just hadn't gotten around to actually writing it up because...life.

What is up with all the "I've got it harder in parenthood than you" shit that is constantly floating around the internet, most especially facebook?

"I'm a single mom."

"My husband travels once a year/ once a month/ is in the military."

"My kid is allergic to x."

"My kid has x giftedness or special needs."

"My kid doesn't sleep."

And that's only the cream from the top. I've barely scraped the surface.

The thing is, yes of course all of those things can make parenting hard! Even if absolutely none of those are applicable to you in any way, shape, or form, parenting is still hard!

And within those initial categories we still have to say we have it harder.

Life as a single mom is harder for me because I didn't choose it. It's harder for me because I have three kids or became a single mom at x age. Etc., Etc.

My husband travels monthly so obviously it's harder for me. My husband is in the military so it's harder for me because obviously he's gone more than yours!

My kid is allergic to eggs which is in everything; at least your kid is only allergic to peanuts which is all ready banned everywhere.

I could go on, but you get the point.

I'd be a liar if I said I didn't occasionally have to refrain from rolling my eyes when I hear someone worry frantically about having to drive three hours with their child or someone bemoans how they'll survive three whole days solo parenting while their spouse is out of town. I have those moments. But then I also stop and realize that my life and experiences are not someone else's.

Are car rides pleasant with kids? Hell no! Whether it's 3 hours or 12 hours. When they're tiny it's tough. And just because I have a bazillion (yes, that's a real world because autocorrect didn't change it!) hours of driving under my belt with my kiddos, doesn't make someone else's car driving dread less valid.

And sure, I often go weeks, and have even gone months while my husband has been out of town - sometimes in countries where I can't even know his location or communicate with him in any way until he shows up back home - but that doesn't mean someone whose husband leaves for the weekend has it any easier than me. Because they don't.

We all have our own issues and struggles. Especially in parenting, Lord knows it.

My husband is gone a lot, but when he is home, he is home. It's me and the kids 100% of the time. He doesn't play or watch sports or go out with buddies or do anything that is not completely family-centric. And he cooks and cleans better than me! Trust me, there are many husbands that are not even a fraction of that family-focused. So who knows, maybe those women have it harder than me in so many ways, even if their spouses never travel.

The thing is, I will never know. And it will never matter.

Wouldn't it be better if instead of playing the "who has it harder game," when someone reached out to make the comment that they're dreading a car ride or a solo weekend or struggling with an allergy to kumquats we simply replied with "What can  I do to help you with this?" instead of "Well, let me tell you about my husband being deployed for a year and my allergy to eggs, wheat, peanuts, and oxygen?"

It's not about who has it harder. It's about what we can do for one another to make it less challenging for each other. So let's stop whining about how Sally think she has it soooo hard, but we really have it harder, and just validate Sally's situation and ask what we can do to help. So maybe things won't be so hard for Sally. And you know, karma can be a bitch or a really good thing. You decide what you've got coming to you.

So again, stop comparing or vying for who has it hardest in x situation; because the struggle is real for everyone and so incredibly different for everyone. But you have the ability to help out a fellow momma, even if it's just by offering a few encouraging words.