One week down

Well, we have somehow survived week one of school...mostly intact.

Their first day was great for both of them.

But then it just went downhill. For H.

B loves it. He'd gladly go every day instead of just his two!

But H...oh, my sweet, lovely H girl.

Drop off is painful. I'm not sure I have it in my person to do it. If it weren't for the fact that I pick her up and she is incredibly happy and when we talk about school at night she has nothing but good things to say and is excited for the next day, or the fact that she is elated to go up until the moment we walk in the classroom door....I'd probably have pulled her out all ready.

She screams. She cries. She begs me not to leave her. It breaks my heart. It's so unnatural to me. It hurts my soul.

I was just not created to be the kind of person to walk away from my screaming child and leave her.

And yet, for the three days now, I have.

I've not yet quite figured out what that says about me as a mother or a human being, but quite frankly, I know there is no way to twist is around and justify it and make it a good thing.

Which makes me only a worse person to openly admit that I will do it all again next week.

Why?

Good question.

I'm not even sure I have that answer.

Why am I putting my sweet girl through this kind of distress at drop off when I clearly don't have to? When I don't even plan on sending her to school next year?

Because she asks me to.

Because when she is all smiles after school and says great things, I know she had a great time and is enjoying it.

Because when we cuddle in bed at night talking about her day, she tells me how much she loves it and cannot wait to go back.

I can't say we will make it the whole school year. That's totally up to H. But we will make it as long as she wants to keep going.

B on the other hand, he loves it. I hardly get a good-bye from him. He'd rather me not show up when it's pick-up time, and he's less than impressed that he doesn't get to go every day.

It's really interesting seeing how this all plays out with their different personalities.

I think I'm doing the right thing. Think being the operative word here.

And if not, well, at least she'll have something to talk about in therapy in 20 years...

 

She wears the best outfits!