I have a whole lot of people in my life who I like. People with vastly different personalities from myself; people who if are parents almost all parent very differently from me. And yet I still like them all.
I don't typically find any of them to be assholes, nor do I have the overwhelming urge to hit them.
Why can't all people be like that?
Seriously.
I'm probably one of those people who just shouldn't leave her house. Ever.
Because when I get thrust into totally chaotic public situations (like the Children's Museum, for example), I tend to want to vomit.
And not because there are so many people - but because there are so many people who are assholes and I want to hit.
Obviously, I don't hit them. If I did, I couldn't say to my children when they're being aggressive, "Momma doesn't hit, does she? Let's use gentle hands." Though I admit, I really, really do want to hit them.
Today I had my limit with people I don't know and can't stand.
It all started when we stood in line to see Santa at the Children's Museum.
The lady in line directly behind us kept screeching, "Mason Alexander, stop that! Mason Alexander, don't touch the rope! Mason Alexander, pay attention to the line!"
I thought I was at my limit of all the screeching I could take. I can only imagine how that poor 6 or 7 year old boy felt. Then I heard, "Mason Alexander, we are not here to play! I'm going to tell Santa and now you won't have any Christmas. Hope you're happy now!"
It took every fiber in my being not to whirl around and say, "Dude, we're in a children's museum. For children to play. The likelihood of you actually cancelling Christmas is like .000001%, so that's an empty threat. No wonder you're kid could give a fuck-shit about what you say. And threatening him with Santa and blaming him for the loss of Christmas due to being a child is not going to help him feel better and want to do better. And lastly, if you stopped freaking screeching and nit-picking every little thing, maybe he'd have some respect for you and actually want to listen."
But don't worry, I held myself together. I said none of that. But I vehemently texted some friends so that I didn't.
When she said to me, however, upon noticing B's amber necklace, "Oh, does that amber necklace really help with the grouchiness and fussiness of teething pain?" (Did I mention she had a 2 year old girl and infant as well?) I replied with, "Honestly, I have no idea. I just think it's cute. I do know that holding and loving my kids and speaking kind, gentle, soothing words, while showering them in love and compassion really seems to help them with any kind of pain, physical or otherwise."
She gave me a fake smile and didn't speak to me again.
I don't care. We were so not going to be BFFs anyway.
Then, I had the awesomeness of witnessing a kindergarten class that was there on a field trip, right in front of us in line. The teacher announced, "We are all going to stand by Santa so I can take a picture. We are not going to fight or push so that we can be the one next to him. Pick a spot and sit. Except for Anna. She's been too naughty and doesn't get to see Santa, so you get to stand on the side while we take the photo."
Immediately, obviously, the girl burst into tears. The teacher snapped, "And if you find it necessary to cry because you don't know how to be a good girl, then you can sit out of our Christmas party tomorrow."
I watched that little girl bite her lower lip wipe the tears off her face, forcing herself to soldier on. My heart freaking broke.
I have no idea what Anna did that was so "naughty," but whatever it was, it wasn't while they were in line. And wasn't worthy of being punished and humiliated like that.
And Jesus Christ, I dare someone to speak to my child like that. To treat a child of mine like that. Especially a teacher. I promise, I don't really care how hard being a teacher to 25 kindergartners is, you publicly humiliate and punish my child like that, you wouldn't be allowed to teacher in any of the 50 states by the time I was through. Just sayin'.
After we saw Santa, of whom B wanted nothing to do with, and H happily posed with and chattered away telling him how she'd like a Princess Sofia Talking Castle with Sofia's family (someone might have the best aunt and uncle in the world, because no one knew that this was the one and only thing in the world that she wanted until after they had purchased it for her for Christmas. So score for them!), I got to listen to the wonderful lady behind us with poor Mason Alexander screech, "For God sakes, Chloe (the 2 year old), sit on Santa's lap and stop crying so I can get a picture for Grandma. She won't give you any presents if she doesn't have a nice picture of you on Santa's lap."
If that's true, Grandma's Satan.
Because it's very likely not true (though a strong possibility if it's the mom's mother), that's another empty threat. And forcing your child to sit on a strange old man's lap is so many levels of creepy. Thank GOD this lady and I were not BFFs. It would be so awkward after today, that's all I'm sayin'.
As H & B played on the snow castle, I plopped a seat near a kid tunnel and took a few pictures of H & B and just mostly watched them do their thing. Suddenly a mom, not much older than me, but totally more fashionable, yelled, "Stop, Gretta! It's time to go."
This little tiny brunette of a thing, that looked a bit younger than B started to dart into the tunnel beside me as the mom reached down and grabbed her hair and pulled her back out - by the hair.
The girl wailed on the floor beside me.
"Wow, that must have really hurt. I'm sorry," I said to the kid.
The mother raised her eyebrows at me, but said nothing. "Gretta, if you hadn't of run I wouldn't have had to do that to you. If you just listened things like that wouldn't have to happen."
I'm sincerely terrified about what happens behind closed doors for that little girl. Just thinking about it make me sick to my stomach.
I know that not everyone believes in non-punitive parenting. That's fine. I don't really think any of my mom friends practice it, but I adore them nonetheless and think they're freaking stellar.
But for Christ sakes, asshole parenting is not okay. There is no justification for it. Just none.
Anyone who could treat a child, especially their own, a babe grown in their own womb, who has their own blood pumping through their veins, the way these ladies did today, shouldn't be around children. Period.
We all have bad days. I 110% understand that. I'm far from perfect. I come up short more days than I'd like. I speak a little too curtly sometimes. I sigh a bit too heavily and clench my teeth more often than I should. On occasion I've even scooped up tantruming children and forcibly removed them from the situation so other people wouldn't be subjected to them, disregarding the needs for my own child to resolve the issue at that very moment.
I'm not perfect. Holidays plus children's museum equals high stress situation. It's totally normal for everyone to be on edge.
I get it.
But to screech empty threat after empty threat, to publicly humiliate a small child, to get physical with a toddler who is still practically a baby, and not with a swift swat to the bottom that although I totally disagree with, at least isn't seen as downright abuse, I don't get. There is no excuse.
At all.
It's lazy, asshole parenting.
I loathe when people say, "The children of this generation are the worst yet..." (And they've been saying this for HUNDREDS of years, so I totally realize it's bull-cocky). Children learn from example. So maybe the parents should be examining themselves. I guarantee you that Mason Alexander screeches at other people who don't snap-to the second he says something. I bet little Anna is all ready working on that stone wall around her emotions, that is ever-so difficult, if not nearly impossible, to break down later in life, because she all ready knows that her feelings don't matter. Only "being good" does. And she's going to have a hell of time ever being able to deal with other people who do have visible emotions. And little Gretta, God help her. And her future children. Because that cycle is a vicious one to break.
I don't care how people want to parent. I mean, I do. Because I think if we all parented children in a non-punitive, compassionate, patient manner we could change the whole world - imagine if everyone was empathetic and not out for themselves? Imagine if everyone did the right and "good" thing simply because they wanted to - not because they were out for a reward or because they were afraid something bad would happen to them? We'd change the world for the better. It'd be a Utopia instead of the Dystopia we are quickly headed towards. But I digress...
I don't care how people want to parent: time-outs, rewards/punishments, threats, etc. I do get why people use those methods because although they are terrible for long-term behaviors, they're great for parents who need immediate gratification. And so long as you're not truly harming your kid, have at it.
But if you want to parent like an asshole...well, that's not cool. I really want to help give you better resources, because you and your kid both deserve better. But in the meantime, can you at least pretend to not be an asshole parent in public, because that shit really gets to me on an emotional and momma bear level. I just can't handle it. And if it hurts me, I cannot even imagine being the child.
So choose a parenting style. Any parenting style. Just not asshole parenting.
Please.
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