Kindergarten in the fall

It seems Miss H is going to kindergarten next year.

She's enrolled now. Really it just depends on her. And me. If she changes her mind. If I change mine, ha.

It's a great program, so I'm really not too worried. The only negative thing is they do the whole "green light, yellow light, red light" behavior crap. But I figure we'll have a good long talk about that's what they do at school, and although we need to respect their rules, ultimately it means nothings. Maybe that's wrong? Eh, oh well.

I'm not sure how I'll handle her gone every day. Even if it's only half of the day. Thank god it doesn't start until 9am though. I'm not sure I could have handled 8am. That's for the birds. Who is ready that early? Even though we seem to be up long before 6am most mornings, I'm not functioning for quite a while, ha.

It's so hard to know what is right. What is the right thing to do? Especially with education.

Each kid is so different, and I would be very surprised if my two kids ended up doing the same things education-wise.

But I have a lot of comfort knowing that I'm not forcing my kids to do what I believe to be right. I know too many people who say, "I believe in x education, so that's my kid's only choice" when x education really isn't the best option for their child.

Quite frankly, I don't believe in any formal schooling, but it's what H wants. What she needs. For now, anyway. And we will work with that.

My only goal is to produce a happy, healthy, confident young lady, who will always know she has a say in every aspect of her life. She will grow up being autonomous, knowing that "because I'm the parent and I say so" isn't a valid reason (unless she wants to play with knives in the middle of a busy road with venomous snakes at her feet, then "because I'm the parent and I say so" is totally valid. But I wouldn't let my friends or husband do that either.).

It'd be so much easier to just say no. To say, "You know, I don't like the idea of you sitting at a desk for 3 hours every day, learning in a structured manner. I think you should learn the way I'd prefer." But that'd be wrong.

Just like I would never tell B he has to sit at a desk if he doesn't want to do so, I will never tell H she cannot if she so desires.

But it's hard. So hard.

I'm sure that sounds really dramatic, but I have such strong beliefs about education and growing up without all the structure and authority, that tossing it aside for my extremely structured girl is difficult sometimes.

And I know it's hard for J, too. Maybe even harder than it is for me. Because he has zero faith in any human being other than he and I caring for our children. The idea of someone else being responsible for dear Miss H 3 hours a day while she's in kindergarten is terrifying for him.

But he's like me. And he wants what is best for her. And he trusts that together, the three of us can figure out what that is.

And we're open. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. If there are negative effects, she doesn't have to continue going. We will pull her out. Even if the negative effect is just her attitude and behavior. We will not compromise any aspect of H.

But she's going. For now, she is going to be a great big kindergartner starting in September. And she's over the freaking moon.

Which makes it all worth it for now.

We'll just take it one day at a time. And hope for the best.

Because it's all we want for H and B. The best.