While speaking with a friend recently - who also has a little girl H’s age - about the whines I’ve been dealing with (dealing with improperly, might I add), she said something to me that really resonated, and made me realize that I’m doing a pretty damn good job.
She told me that H is 2. All 2 year olds whine. It doesn’t matter what your parenting beliefs are – if you react by ignoring, yelling, spanking, using kind words, etc., etc., your kid is still going to whine.
It seems so simple. So basic. And yet it hadn’t crossed my mind.
I figured that Miss H’s newfound whining was because I’d done something wrong.
And that’s just silly.
After discussing my issues with a few other good friends, some of the parent variety and some not, I was able to realize that I’d reached my stress-o meter and wasn’t reacting the way I believe is proper.
I was ignoring or yelling and just over all losing my cool. Which just isn’t okay. She’s 2. She’s a human being. I wouldn’t treat my husband like that. It’s not okay to treat my daughter that way. And I always use phrases like, “Mommy doesn’t yell at you, you don’t yell at Mommy.” And obviously, if I’m yelling, then let’s just tattoo hypocrite to my forehead.
Needless to say, it’s been a super rough week or so. But I’ve forced myself to be calm. To tell my sweet daughter that I only understand when she uses a nice voice with mommy. I tried for a day to do a rewards system, but it didn’t feel right (I overall try not to do punitive parenting, but sometimes it just happens), and she didn’t care anyway. So now I just treat her normal. I’ve refused to let the whines stress me out and get me going.
And know what?
She’s better because of it. She’s less whiney and irritable, and I’m less stressed and frazzled.
It’s not a cure-all. She’s not a saint by any means.
But she’s two. And she’s mine.
And I’ll be kind to her even if she isn’t pleasant to me.
Because I know that’s what is right.
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