That's right. I don't want compliant kids.

I can’t tell you how many times people have laughed when I’ve very proudly said, “I don’t want compliant kids.”

And then of course, when my daughter is the one who won’t put her shoes on to go out to the car; they sit and nod and say, “Yep, that’s what you wanted.”

They’re right. It’s what I want.

I know, I know. We all love the idea of  “obedient” children. I mean, who doesn’t? A child who will do whatever I say when I say, no questions asked. Man, imagine all the battles I’d never have to fight. All the times I wouldn’t have to tell myself to take a deep breath and think of the situation from the point of view of a two year old.

Seriously, this whole parenting thing would be easier.

But let’s be honest. I don’t want a compliant kid. I don’t want a kid who responds to “authority” with unwavering obedience.

Those kids get ignored. Their needs go unmet. They are more insecure. They don’t take responsibility for their actions. They grow up to be followers, not leaders.

Does that mean I’m raising babes who get what they want and to do what they want when they want? Kids who get to run amuck?

Hell no.

But yes, I have a little girl who is not afraid to say, “I don’t want to put my shoes on” or “I don’t want to go.”

She knows the rules and expectations. She doesn’t have to wear shoes outside. I’m not likely to pick her up if the ground is hot, cold, rocky, etc. But I will happily help her put on her shoes at that point. If she wants to go into a store with me. Her shoes must be on. There is no battle of the wills. Just a simple, “H, this store requires you to have shoes on. If you’d like to go in, then we need to get them on your feet.”

I always prep her for a departure. Whether it is leaving our house, friends’, or the park, etc. “H, in 10 minutes we are leaving…in 5 more minutes we are going…1 more minute until we leave.” Does that means she always leaves happily? Heck no! She’s 2! But I validate her feelings. (My head is spinning here…I used to laugh when I heard about others “validating someone’s feelings”…who knew that there is actually something to it!?). I tell her I understand she is having fun doing xyz and doesn’t want to go, but unfortunately it is time. Does she cry sometimes when we leave? Sure.

But at least she knows it’s okay to voice her desire not to go. She isn’t so obedient that she knows expressing how she feels is useless. Yes, Mommy hears her. Yes, Mommy cares about how she feels. Yes, Mommy still says we have to go though.

So maybe my kids will be the ones loudly voicing their opinions. I’m sure some will shake their heads at “bad parenting” (I know I did before I had babes!). And that’s okay.

Even when it’s frustrating, I’ll still smile inside at my children’s confidence to be expressive. At their security of knowing that their feelings will never be ignored or punished.

Because I’m not raising compliant children. I’m raising strong, confident, leading adults.