To go or not to go; that is the question

H was offered a spot in our local Montessori school last week.

I didn't realize we were still even on the wait list (we were offered a spot last year, but I forgot to respond because I was out of state and overwhelmed with lead stuff).

I was going to say "no" immediately, because, well, it's just out of our budget. By a lot.

But J said we should tour it because H has been requesting school like a madwoman for the past several months and we both want to do her right, while also sticking to our own beliefs and values.

And Montessori fits that because it is very child-led, which is important to both J and I.

Of course we toured it and we all loved it.

J loved how respectful the teachers were. The last school we toured had a "red, yellow, green light" behavior system which completely put J (and me) off and he pretty much said based on that alone he wouldn't and couldn't send our child.

Here, such a thing does not exist. Here the environment is so calm and peaceful and respectful. And we did witness a child unhappy over not getting what he wanted that second (because someone else was using it) and it was dealt with so beautifully that I wanted to kiss the teacher for treating the child like a human being and not an object to be manipulated or punished like so many teachers and people do.

Essentially, there was nothing J and I disliked about this preschool. We had qualms with the older grades, but that isn't something that is a factor today. We'd cross that bridge when we got there.

And H really loved the school.

And so did B, which is a slight other issue, because we'd be breaking bank to send H, and despite the fact that they said they'd allow B to attend if H did, we wouldn't be able to afford to send them both. Not even remotely. So I feel guilty letting one kid go and not the other, when they're both eligible. :-/

Though maybe it's not an issue, because when I casually asked H yesterday, after hearing her rave for quite a bit about how much she loved the school too, if she wanted to go to preschool her response was, flatly, "No."

"Oh," I said. "Why not?"

"I would just miss you too much."

I nodded. "I'd miss you, too. But you'd have a lot of fun."

"No, I just want to pretend to go to school so I can be with B."

"Okay," and I left it at that.

So now J and I are kinda like WTF do we do? Do we assume she really doesn't want to go now, or that she does? And how will she feel when September rolls around, because once we say no this option is gone?

And the kicker is we have to tell them tomorrow. Oh yeah, and pay them $500 to hold her spot...

Not something I want to do for a girl who might decide she doesn't want to go.

I have a feeling the real issue is she doesn't want to be separated from B. I think. But I don't know for certain.

I'd just assume not put her into school. Obviously. But I don't want to throw away something she wants. But I don't even know if she really wants it anymore, or if she is just intrigued with the idea.

If it were a hell of a lot cheaper I'd just enroll her for now and pull her out later if she didn't want to go, but that's a lot of money to throw away. At least to me. Heck, if it were cheaper I'd just enroll them both and this would likely be a non-issue.

So now I have roughly 24 hours to figure out if she genuinely does or does not want to go, and for what reasons.

And trying to get a straight answer from a (almost) 4 year old is pretty much impossible.

So wish me luck.