"Vulva" and "Penis" - they are words your children need to know

I am astounded, daily, by how many people do not teach their children the proper names for genitalia.

H and B both know that boys have a penis and girls have a vulva. Period.

We use those words without flinching much like we'd say people have arms and eyes. It's simply anatomy.

And we need to empower our children with the proper names of genitalia. We need to make it something that isn't giggle-worthy or cringe-worthy to say.

Why?

Because there is so much research that proves that children who are armed with the proper names of their anatomy are much less likely to be sexually abused. Children with whom genitalia is not made taboo are more confident in their own bodies and more empowered to stand up to someone who wishes them harm.

Simply by knowing and using the proper names of genitalia your child is less likely to be sexually abused.

That information alone should be enough to throw out words like "cookie" and "bits" and "private parts" and "peter" and "tinkie-winkie."

As a kid, I cannot ever remember someone saying "penis" or "vulva." I heard "privates" a lot. Boys have "tinkie-winkies" (no joke). I have no doubt my parents thought it was what was right and proper. But we know better now. So we must do better.

For our children.

I remember that the word "penis" would immediately result in big-belly laughter. My friends and I used to play a game where we would start out whispering the word "penis" and each get louder and louder, to see who was brave enough to say the word the loudest.

And the word "vagina"...omg. I could hardly utter it. It was cringe-worthy. Almost dirty. Yeah, no. Never. And I didn't even know then that most people said vagina but really meant "vulva." I had no idea a vulva even existed. Dear Lord.

Also, children who are taught the proper names of genitalia and are comfortable using them, are easier to raise red flags with immediately if someone is sexually harming them and they're either too little to realize they should tell someone, or too scared or too ashamed to tell someone.

Because if little Sally goes from using the world vulva freely to suddenly calling it her cupcake, when mommy and daddy have never referred to it as that, it at least starts making you ask questions. Even if she simply picked up the word on the playground, it gets the gears rolling and makes you alert.

And pedophiles rarely use the proper names of anatomy. It's proven they prefer to stick with cutesy-names to make it all seem fun. Excuse me while I vomit.

I'm sure it was not simply because I was not equipped and confident in the correct names of my genitalia, but I was sexually abused as a little girl by a man whom I loved and trusted. All that was left was my virginity which was stolen without consent while I was in college by someone else whom I thought of as a friend at the time.

As is life.

I was terrified to tell anyone as a kid. I felt dirty. Ashamed. Used. Totally betrayed by this person who was supposed to keep me safe and yet hurt me to the core.

I'm only telling you this because let's face it; we like to think that so long as we keep our kids safe from the shady looking man walking down the street, our kids are safe. And yet the monsters are oh-so typically the ones we trust the most and allow to walk right through our front door.

Which makes everything that much scarier.

And far more important to help our children be confident in our bodies. To empower them with knowledge and let them say "no" loudly.

A child who uses the correct names for genitalia can obviously still be harmed. But the statistics are staggering, and the likelihood greatly diminished just by using the correct names. It's such an easy thing to do.

Predators don't want strong, confident kids. They're looking for the kids who have been taught that their genitalia is shameful, or something that shouldn't be talked about. They're looking for kids who call it something it's not. Because those kids are easy. Way too easy.

So please, please, the next time you find yourself tempted to say "cupcake" or "privates" or "peter" or whatever, just don't. Use the correct name. Empower your child. Empower yourself. And stop making genitalia taboo.

Because if it's taboo with you, then it will be interesting with someone else. And the vulnerability will be immense.

So yes, my children talk about their genitalia whenever they see fit. They use "vulva" and "penis" just as easily as they would "arm" or "plate" or "book." It's just a word. Just a body part. We all have one or the other and it is what it is.

But simply by knowing and using those two simple words, they're all ready so empowered. And in a world where I cannot protect them from everything all the time, as much as I'd love to, at least I can help to build strong, empowered, confident kids.

And you can, too.