“Seriously, only your kid would get lead poisoning.”

My little sister stopped by today. One of the first things she said to me was, “Seriously, only your kid would get lead poisoning.”

She had me there. And she made me laugh. So like a million brownie points for her.

Of course she met it sarcastically. Jokingly. Satirically.

I’ve been so careful. So paranoid, if we are being honest, since these babes were in the womb. I wouldn’t even take a freaking Tylenol for crying out loud while I was pregnant with them because I was just so scared of what it could potentially do to them. I gave birth at home because I was terrified of the chemicals in pain killers.

I’ve researched what they eat until my fingers felt like they’d fall off and my eyeballs would fall right out of their sockets. I’ve just been so prudent with everything. Their food, their soaps (did you know there are chemicals in shampoo that are directly linked to the growing rate of poor eye vision in children??? I didn’t either for a while), the detergent I wash their clothes in, the soap that cleans our dishes. Even the dishes they eat off of.

Everything I’ve researched and investigated. I’ve questioned and then questioned again. Maybe to the point where you could say it’s almost a sickness. I’ve been terrified of chemicals and toxins that could potentially harm my kids. And I’ve looked everywhere for them.

Except that I didn’t. I never thought to.

Toxins in their toys just never even crossed my mind. I realize how incredibly stupid that is now. How could I question pretty much everything else, and yet forget to question their toys?

But I did. And it turns out it was the one thing that was poisoning my kids.

The one thing I didn’t research.

Go figure.

Our house has been tested. The lead people don’t think it’s the source of B’s lead poisoning. There are small amounts of lead in the trim work, the windows, the doors, and the stairs. But they said not enough to raise eyebrows or to make them think it’s what’s causing the lead poisoning, though.

But J is going to replace it all anyway. He said he’d rather be safe than sorry.

We are just figuring out the logistics right now. Time off work. Where the kids and I will go (because we can’t stay in the house while he’s doing all that). We have to find the balance between what is best for the kids and what will keep my sanity. So we’ll see.

We’re having our water tested still. Even though the lady I spoke to told me that she’d put money on it not being out water since we have all new pipes (replaced 3.5 years ago). She said that the lead poisoning would come from old pipes – not be in the water itself. We don’t have old pipes.

Nonetheless, we’re testing anyway.

The kids’ playmats are gone. Pretty much all their plastic toys. It’s hard. Like super hard. Obviously I cannot eliminate everything. H still has her two favorite baby dolls. I can’t take those away from her. And her flashlight.

I let B keep his favorite animal figurines – but really just until I can replace them with appropriate replacements.

I ordered B a wooden, non-toxic ride-on toy, because he will be devastated to see the Dora car go. I’ll employ Christmas to get H a new kitchen, once I figure out what is actually safe.

It infuriates me that I even have to think this way. What is safe? I mean, seriously, everything, made for our children should be safe. There should be no researching needed. Not to mention that everything I’ve found as a safe alternative seems to cost significantly more. But I guess you can’t really put a price on your child’s health. And when his health is directly linked to his toys, well…

I guess now I have to find an appropriate cup replacement. Damn. I ordered some safe, USA-made dishes for them. But I don’t know what to do about Sippy’s. We have two stainless steel ones, but I’m not in love with them. I’m in love with their spill-proof plastic ones. But they are made in China and colored and thus I assume that they are as safe as their toys…fantastic.

But really, I need to be more positive with this whole experience. I’ve basically just been so angry since I found this all out. So, so incredibly angry. Because I have no control. And I really, really suck not being in control. Of pretty much everything.

But my baby is going to be okay. It might take a little while, it might take a lot of re-doing the house, and getting rid of toys, and buying knew toys, and simply adjusting our lives, and that all cost more money, but it could be worse. It can always be worse. Money is just money. And there is no price that could every be put on one of my babies.

And lead poisoning can be bad. Like, really, really bad. But we caught B’s early, because something whispered in my ear and told me to test him. So we are so incredibly fortunate.

There is nothing in the world scarier than finding out your babe is sick. And having no control.

But God is good and we are blessed and at the end of the day everything will just be fine. I just have to remind myself that.

Like every second.

We’ll get there.