Come to Mary moments

I occasionally have those Come to Mary moments when I'll be talking with a friend and they'll say something like, "Well, I was reading your blog and..."

It totally stops me in my tracks. For lots of reasons. This blog has been going strong for over a year now. I can see how many people read it, though I can't see who reads it. I was floored the first time I realized I had several followers from other countries. Countries I didn't know people from.

But when it comes to my actual friends...it's comforting. Empowering.

Mostly because I don't sugar-coat anything. I'm blunt. I have a lot of opinions a lot of people don't agree with. Opinions a lot of my friends don't agree with (dare I say most of my friends? Ha!)

And yet I still have friends.

It makes me respect my friends all that much more, honestly. That we can have differing opinions about such an array of topics, and they don't feel persecuted or defensive. That they know I'm not targeting them or saying they're wrong or any of the things that would go in line with that.

I am humbled that my friends know I respect them. That when I say something like "I don't believe in time out" and it's their number #1 parenting tool, they know I'm not saying a single word about them or their parenting choices and that I love and adore them just the same, even if we do things differently.

I love that I have friends who have no problem calling me out when they have an issue with something I say. I love that I have friends who feel just as strongly in their beliefs as I do mine; whether they are the same as mine or not.

It's always so great to hear when someone tells me that I've said something that resonates with them or has sparked them to do some research or change things in their home to be more gentle.

I don't pretend to have it all figured out. I don't. I've learned so much throughout the course of this blog. Especially about parenting.

I went from being pretty old-fashioned, a bit militant in punishment. Then something just clicked and I realized that I could not do that to my kids. I could not be that kind of parent. And I knew what kind of kids that produced, and I didn't want that for my kids either.

Then I was completely permissive for a solid 2 months because I had no idea how to not be authoritative and punitive but still have rules and boundaries and discipline. That time was incredibly hard. Internally I was a hot mess. Totally and completely clueless of how to change or fix the issue.

And then I found that solid, stable ground of gentle, loving, non-punitive parenting. And it's been awesome. Difficult and trying, and there is always so much criticism, but oh-well. It's still been awesome. And my kids are awesome.

It's not perfect. I've not pretended otherwise. Everyone who reads this knows pretty much every "issue" that's arisen. You know every epic meltdown and tantrum. Every shortcoming and failing I've had. I've never pretended or ignored it. Because I think it's important for you all to know that it's not easy. And that we're very real people, raising very real children, to the best of our know-how as of today. Maybe we will know something better tomorrow.

I'm always astonished by all the things I've learned since becoming a mom. I looked at a photo of Miss H when she was only a few days old, buckled in her carseat. I was horrified to look at it. She was not even remotely safe in that seat. I think of how as a newborn I held her on my lap down the highway once because she just wouldn't stop screaming otherwise. How I leaned over her car seat to nurse her. All. The. Time. Things I know so much better now to never, ever do. And I would never do them again. Heck, I'm pretty much the only person I know who still has a 3.5 year old still rear facing. But that's because I know and understand the physics now.

And because I watched a friend bury her 3 year old just a few short months ago. And that only reinforced my belief to keep H rear facing, as J and I had been talking about switching her just of the fun of it. We won't. Not until she is 45 lbs or 43" tall. Whichever comes first. Even if it's not until she's 7.

So many, many things I've learned. About parenting. About health. About relationships and marriage and daily life.

And despite having learned all of these things, I still don't know much at all. Not even remotely.

But I am so glad that you all are on this learning journey with me. That even we don't always see eye to eye, I have amazing friends to fall back on to and who will discuss our differences with me to help me better understand their side. And who will take the time to try and understand my side too.

So yes, I have my Come to Mary moments sometimes. Today is one of them.

Today I'm thankful for my friends. All of them. Young, old, male, female, childless, whatever. It doesn't matter. You're all amazing.