"...and I turned out okay."

One of my greatest (parenting) pet peeves is when people use the excuse "Well, it happened to me and I turned out just fine" in order to justify a choice or action they make. As in, "I was spanked and turned out okay, so it's okay to spank my kid" or "I (my spouse) was circumcised and turned out fine, so it's okay to do to my kid."

Really? Really!?

So how is it that as parents we can justify doing things that we know is not in our children's best interest, even things where there is scientific proof that shows they are damaging  to our kids, and then try to justify it with the old adage that it was done to us and we're okay.

I don't know about you, but I want more than "okay" for my kids. I want them to be frakking great! But maybe that's just me. Maybe I've a few loose screws because I want my kids to grow up listening to me because they respect me, not because they are afraid I'll hit them. I want them to grow up with their whole bodies, with the ability to make their own choices if they want to alter them (and yes, I pierced my daughter's ears, and yes, I deeply regret it, and yes, I know it is was wrong of me).

The more I learn. the better I do for my kids. I'm not perfect. I would never pretend to be. There was a time in my life when spanking a child would not have been something I would have thought twice about. I mean, everyone does it, right? For the most part, we all turn out just fine. But there is just too much proof out there to show how damaging it is to kids. Sorry, but just because it happened to me and I turned out okay, does not mean I'm okay with it happening to my kids.

And it's not just spanking, or circumcision, or whatever. It's the entire attitude that many people have. Like why bother even trying for their kids, when they can half-ass it all and the likelihood is that they'll still end up with kids who go to the same college as the kids whose parents gave it their all, and their kids will likely have a job that pays enough to feed them. And what else even matters, right?

Yeah, it drives me insane. No, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes all the time with my kids. I've actually screamed at them before, and I certainly know that is wrong. But I only did it once, and the look on their faces was enough to make me physically bite my tongue and take a breath when things got to the point that I wanted to scream ever again.

No one taught me how to control my anger. Or how to deal with my emotions in general, so it's something I constantly have to check myself with. I'm ever so careful as to make sure my children always know that it's okay to express their emotions, and I help them find appropriate ways to do so when needed. Sure, I turned out okay not knowing how to express how I feel, but I want better than that for my kids.

At the end of the day, I turned out pretty a-okay. I love my parents, I recieved a double-major college diploma where I attended on full scholarship, I have a fantastic husband and two phenomenal children. What could be better? But you better believe that I will never defend the choices that others made for me when I was too young or the actions that others took, simply because I turned out well. Maybe no real ill-harm came from me being spanked or yelled at or fed hormone-filled milk and meat (though puberty at 10 may disagree on that one...), but I do know better now, so you bet your arse I'll do better for my kids.

And the times that I screw up, because I will, I know I will. I am only human after all, I will apologize to my children, because I am big enough of a person to admit when I am wrong.

And I don't want my kids to turn out okay. I want them to turn out bloody fantastic.