Whenever J has to go on travel, I always feel bad for the kids. They miss him. It messes up their schedule and daily rhythm. I feel bad for me because, you know, I have to do it all on my own.
But mostly, I feel overwhelmingly bad for J. It truly does just suck the most for him.
He's the one leaving. So our kids are connecting him with absence, and that's hard. And although he is ever-present when he's here, I'm afraid our children will always have this thread of connection that papa leaves and momma stays. And it is one thing for me to realize this, but J sees it too. And it tears him to pieces.
He misses out on so much. Seriously. Especially since baby B has been born. So much happens when children are babies. Even 48 hours can make a whopping difference. I never tell him when the kids start something new. When they cut their first tooth. Sat up unassisted on their own. Started crawling. Cruising. Took their first steps. Said their first words. I never, ever, ever once told him that they had happened until after he saw these things himself. Until he said to me, "You know what…!?" Because that way, he always has their "firsts". And that's important. To both of us.
He doesn't get baby love while he's gone. And anyone with children knows that there is nothing better than some good ol' hugs, kisses, and snuggles from your babes after a long, stressful day. He gets all the stress and none of the love.
So although I know it's hard for us when he leaves, the kids I get by just fine. We go to the zoo and we try four different pancake recipes in one day and we typically have a grand ol' time. J just has to work like a dog and then sleeps in a hotel by himself, without a baby to stick his feet in his face or randomly wake him at 2 am pretending to be a monkey (this really happens....). It's way harder for J. And he never complains; he just does it because he loves us and it has to be done.
And I love him so much for it.
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