Is it enough?

So baby B is down for a nap and Miss H is watching a television show, which I reluctantly agreed to since she has given up naps. (I have a weird aversion to TV, which is funny for those who really know me, because I used to be a mega junkie! But more my aversion is for her, not me).

So, of course, I plopped down on the computer to send an email to our photographer about getting some unedited photos. While doing so, I looked around at my very messy library and could only think, "Shit. This needs cleaned so badly...and I have zero motivation to do it."

I don't really get much time to just sit, so I relish the time that I do. Most of my internet access is done on my non-smart phone while on the go. At the park, outside while the kids are more fascinated with something that isn't me. In the car (when J is driving of course!).

And yet most days I still feel like I'm probably not doing enough. Which, of course, begs the question, what is enough?

I made the kids eggs for breakfast; we played and read books, got ready for our day, and then went to the Wonderlab for two hours. When we got home baby B had fallen asleep so I fed Miss H lunch and now she's watching a show. We'll spend the rest of the afternoon playing. I might sew for 20-30 mins, but I avoid doing much that takes "time" away from the kids.

I do clean like a majillion times during the day. I sweep the floors about five bazillion times. I clean toilets every. single. day. I'm weird like that. I typically do dishes as we go, though some days I say screw it and just let J do them when he gets home, or we take care of it together after the kids are in bed.

The kids get involved doing laundry with me. They help me cook. Mostly, everything I do involves little people. And yet I still find myself wondering if I do enough with them. For them.

Enough of what, exactly? That I don't know.

And then I wonder if I do enough around the house? J doesn't complain. He never would. As long as the kiddos are fed and happy and well-taken care of, nothing else really matters. And I adore that he has his priorities straight.

That being said, I do clean. I'm kind of a clean freak, though you'd never know if you saw how messy my house is. I mean, I wash our baseboards on a regular basis. That's not normal. I do pick up, like every two seconds, but these kids are just quicker than me. And it's exhausting.

To be honest, most of the time I feel very confident that I do more than enough. I mean, I cook (mostly), I clean, I take care of two happy, healthy, well adjusted babes using gentle parenting methods (and you have no freaking idea how much sometimes I just want to scream and yell and throw up my hands and say to frak with it all, I'm just frustrated with them! But then I don't because it seems that when I get to that point we have a major break through and Miss H starts doing something that we've been patiently working on, like sharing with her brother and I don't have to prompt her or praise her or bribe her, she just does it because she genuinely likes to see how happy it makes him and I'm like "whoa! It really does work!" Okay...that was a tangent). I do "preschool" with Miss H, which right now is just focusing on our letters, because she gets so mad that she can't really read, even though I assure her that it's okay and she will eventually. We have a beautiful garden that I work in, but truthfully, J does all the hard stuff. I mostly just pick food.

And, I mean, that's all more than enough. Right?

But then I can't help but wonder what other stay at home moms do, because seriously, they always seem so much busier than me.

I guess, though, that "enough" is one of those words like "successful" where there is just a different definition for everyone. And for me, this is enough.

Okay, who are we kidding? This is MORE than enough!