Not another manic Monday

I've always had a really strong desire to control everything around me. The more I learn about myself and being a mom and cause and effect, I'm realizing that this is completely normal and that most people feel this way. Primarily because they never felt like they were in control of anything, much less their own lives, as children.

Because I don't want my kids to grow up feeling OCD about control issues, and because I want them to realize that only they have any control over themselves, which entails being accountable for their words and actions, I've been working really hard as of late to let go of as much control as possible.

"People over things" is my motto. I'm trying to say "yes" as much as humanly possible unless I have a genuinely good reason to say "no."

This doesn't mean I'm being permissive. Don't mistake that for giving my children their freedom. There are still rules and boundaries.

Yes, you can eat dinner outside. No, you may not fling your fork while outside.

Yes, you can take a shower/bath (plug the tub and let the shower run). No, you may not dump water onto the floor.

Yes, you can have cake and turkey for breakfast. No, you cannot eat it in my bed.

Etc., etc.

I'm trying to find that happy median where we are all happy with all the decisions.

And honestly, I've never been less stressed in my life.

A series of events occurred today that would have likely put me in freak-out mode, H in meltdown mode, and B just a mess. And yet we made it all the way to bedtime, sans any naps, with not one single tear or shout from anyone.

So it's working for us.

I've come to the conclusion with food that if it is in our house, it's free game. The kids can eat whatever they want for whatever meal. You want turkey and tres leches cake and blueberry butter on a hamburger bun for breakfast? You got it! And that is exactly what H and B wanted this morning.

They primarily ate while hiding/playing under the kitchen table. I could be down with that. I unloaded the dishwasher while they begged me to "roar" at them so I kept popping my head in to "scare" them.

B wanted to go for a walk. So we went. Then they wanted to play on the walking trail without their shoes. So they played. Typically I'd have hurried them along. But not this time. I just sat down and let them have their fun.

B's really into yoghurt right now. That's all he wanted for lunch. H ate raspberries.

They're still alive even though I didn't prepare them a "complete meal." And the parenting Gods didn't strip me of my momma rights for not following the book to a T. Thank goodness.

And despite it being wet and getting chilly, they wanted to play outside. And climb into the water table. And get their mittens soaked and wear them on their feet. And eat their dinner outside.

So they did.

 

 

 

It feels really good to say "yes." It feels really good to let go of society's rule and norms and just let your kids do what they want and be who they want to be without telling them they need to eat at the table or Ferber says they should be napping now or we're not supposed to climb into the water table, etc., etc.

To think, the very idea of letting go of control seems so much like utter chaos, and yet everyone is happier, there were no tantrums today. Even when H got upset with B she remained calm and oh-so proudly used her words.

I think I'm onto something here. It's working. And like all things, I'm sure it will evolve. More radically. Less radically. Who knows.

I'm just learning as I go.

And this Monday was a lot less manic than last Monday. So I'll say it's a win.