B was such an easy baby. Especially when compared to H, who was such a vivacious baby. I was fortunate that she was first and I was over the moon elated, so I really had no idea at the time just how high needs she was. But it was taxing on J and I.
Regardless, Miss H was/is a pretty easy toddler/preschooler. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments. Everything H does and feels is big. So when she's happy it's contagious and she makes everyone else happy. But when she's pissed off you had better watch out. When she's sad you feel your heart breaking right along with hers.
But still, she's pretty easy.
She's also a people-pleaser. Her need to please is so intense that often I can simply say, "I don't care for your actions/words right now. I don't find them very kind." and she'll change her tune. (Not always, of course, but the majority of the time). This makes some things with her pretty easy. But I really hope she doesn't stay a people-pleaser for too long, because I was one pretty much until I had kids. And the world is cruel to people-pleasers. At the same time though, she isn't afraid to stand up for herself, or other people, so she'll fair way better than I.
B on the other hand.
Ha! He's my test. I know it.
Someone out there, God, karma, whatever you believe in, thought to herself, "Oh, so she wants to do this peaceful parenting thing, eh? She ever so deeply believes in it, eh? Well, we'll throw her a curve ball."
And that curve ball is my adorable, beloved, ridiculously mischievous Mr. B.
It doesn't matter what I say. How I communicate with him. He doesn't care. He is going to do what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. He could give a flying fuck about anyone else.
Don't get me wrong, this is an awesome quality to a lot of degrees. And I try, religiously, to focus on that. No one is going to screw with this kid in life. Ever. And if they try, he'll just bite them. (It's true, he's a biter!)
He's the kid who throws markers no matter how many times you repeatedly ask/tell him not to. No matter how many times you show him the paper and kindly express the use of markers (which he, of course, all ready knows). If you finally just take them away he sobs as if you'd just killed his best friend. Seriously, it almost brings me to tears because it's so sad.
He's the kid who is overly physical, and doesn't understand his limits.
He's destructive.
Absolutely fearless.
Don't get me wrong, B isn't a monster or anything (no kid is).
Like 95% of the time he's sweet and charming and I'm all, "Oh, I totally got this!"
But when he's not. Well, he's really not.
We sit down for dinner and H is all, "Thank you for dinner, Momma!" which completely melts my heart, while B picks up his for and whacks her in the head. And I'm thinking, "What the fuck possessed you to do that?" But then three minutes later when he accidentally drops some food on the floor he insists on cleaning it all up by himself, and then it's like, "Oh, see. It's all good. He's got his shit together now."
I keep reminding myself that in 6 months this will all be mostly forgotten. Because I know I've gone through more difficult periods with H, but they have mostly gone unremembered at this point. They seemed big and bad then though.
And I keep reminding myself that B won't end up a hellion or a bully. So long as I'm not bullying him to get the behaviors I want.
But it's hard.
Like really, really hard.
Who'd have thought someone could ever question themselves on possibly being "too nice"? Or "too patient"? I keep telling myself you cannot be too kind or too patients to/with your children, but geez.
This boy certainly knows how to make me question all the things I believe as a parent some moments.
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