She's weaning

In the past 2.5 weeks H has asked to nurse 6 times. Each time she nursed for less than 5 mins.

She's certainly not weaned yet, the last time she asked was only yesterday, but it definitely seems to be heading in that direction.

I'm really proud of myself.  Proud that I was able to breastfeed her this long. Proud that despite that there were times and days and weeks that I wanted to pull my hair out, I still let it be her choice because I knew how good it was for her (and lets face it, me).

I'm proud that despite listening to so many people tell me it is wrong to breastfeed past a year (or 2) I didn't listen and I let H lead the way.

To be honest, I thought she'd still be breastfeeding at 5+, as many children who are allowed to self wean oftentimes are. And though it actually seemed a bit crazy in my head to be truly honest, I still braced myself for it and was okay with it if that was what she needed.

And who knows, maybe she'll prove me wrong. Maybe she won't wean. Maybe we'll return home and she'll become an avid nursling again.

Truthfully, I hope she doesn't. But I won't stop her if she does.

I always thought I'd be really sad when she weaned. Breastfeeding is a super emotional relationship.

But I'm not.

I mean, there's a small part of me that is sad that its just another reminder of how much she's growing up. Too quickly. I can vividly remember giving birth to her. Holding her, refusing to part with her. So amazed by her beauty and perfection.

But even then H was never young. She's a wise old soul. I'd tell J all the time how she was so grown up and wise, her big brown eyes full of truths I'd never know. So even as a baby, H has never been a baby.

Some people say its because I had B when she was just shy of 17 months old, so she didnt get the chance to be a baby. But I know that isn't true. The apple just doesn't fall from the tree. I was never little either.

So yes, that part makes me sad.

But mostly I'm happy. I'm happy it's on her terms, in her time. I'm happy she feels so safe and secure and loved that she's comfortable to spread her little wings and find her independence, knowing momma will never shove or force, but will always be there willing to take her hand when she asks.