Letting children eat when, what, and how much they want.

I was asked recently by a fellow momma about food.

You know, all those food worries most mom's have. How do I know he's eating enough? What if he doesn't like what I cook for dinner - should I cook separate meals? Etc. Etc.

Since I'm a foodie anyway, I figured I'd address that on here. I know I've touched on it here and there, but never actually written a whole post just dedicated to food and infants/toddlers/kids.

Let me begin this by stating that I know nothing about formula-feeding or bottle-feeding. So I simply cannot speak about those as I have zero knowledge.

I know a whole lot about breastfeeding though. And obviously, it's as brand new babes that many mommas start fretting about if their kiddos are eating enough.

Call me dumb, but I never worried about that with either of my babes. To be honest, I didn't know it was something that people worried about. I just figured my body knew how to make milk for these two kids, it would. It never crossed my mind to worry if it was "enough" or not.

And I realize now, it was for good reason that I did not worry.

Your body is making enough!

Only in the most rare of cases is your body truly not making enough milk for your babe. Do not base your milk production on how much you can pump. It means nothing. Your baby is more effective, and your body responds to your baby and makes milk while he's latched. It does not respond to a pump. And that's because although milk production is obviously a physical thing, it is also a hugely emotional and psychological thing as well.

And all baby's are different. My first easily nursed every two hours, if not more often, and for a minimum of 25 minutes, though 45+ minutes was the norm. For real. It was exhausting and tiresome and sweet and beautiful. I'm thankful she was first, because I couldn't really do anything but nurse her all day for quite awhile. But that's okay. Her needs were met.

My second, however, was a completely different story. He easily went 3-5 hours between nursing and rarely nursed for more than 15 minutes at a time. Now as a toddler it's a different story, but as an infant, it was easy peasy.

Breastfeeding was easy. I knew my children would notify me when hungry, and they'd let me know when they were full. I never once questioned as to whether they were getting enough or getting too much. Breastfeeding on demand is the norm, it's what mother nature says to do, and you simply go along with your baby's needs.

And then there was solid food. Oh, the solid foods! We didn't start solids until around the 6 month mark per the APA's recommendation. Baby's gut is not ready to handle food properly before then. We chose to do baby lead solids as "food before one is just for fun" and I'd read a lot of research showing that babies who eat only the foods they put into their mouths, regardless as to size or texture, were significantly less likely to choke as opposed to infants fed purees. Now, I'm not saying no one should feed their infant purees. It's a completely legit option. I just had/have a lot of paranoia about choking. But realizing my children were less likely to choke if they self-fed made me feel better.

And with baby lead solids the prep is easy. You feed them whatever you're eating. Chicken and green beans? I'd cut up the chicken into strips so they'd be easy to hold, give them some whole green beans, and voila! That was it. Super easy. If they actually swallowed anything, great. But totally not necessary. At this point it was all about experimenting with flavors and textures because babies need no other source of nutrition before age one other than breast milk or formula.

Then of course, there is that "magic age" when suddenly you realize your baby is consuming less breast milk or formula and start to freak that frak out because little Jimmy is only eating a piece of toast and half of a yogurt cup and surely he's going to starve to death.

Well, he's not.

I don't agree with force feeding children. At all. Or coercing them to eat x amount. Or telling them they can't get up or can't do y until x is eaten.

And for good reason.

There are only a million and two studies out there that show that children who are "forced/coerced/sweet talked/whatever" into eating more than they want to during meals/snacks are being taught that they do not know how to regulate their own eating habits. They are being told, often from a very young age, that although their body says that they are not hungry (or that they are) they are wrong and should not listen to their body because Mom or Grandma or whoever knows their body better than themselves. And, well, we all know that's bull. No one knows someones body better than the owner of said body. But by coercing children to "take just one more bite" you are telling your child that they don't know when they are hungry or not. And research says that these people are the ones who tend to overeat in life and stress/emotional eat. And no one wants that for their kid!

And to make it even more daunting, kids who are coerced into eating more than they'd like are at a much higher risk of suffering from heart disease, type II diabetes, and obesity.

And to think, once upon a time "the Clean Plate Club" was something we thought was a good thing.

So what do you do if little Jimmy just doesn't want to eat and you're worried he's not eating enough?

Stop worrying!

I know, I know. Easier said than done. I go in spurts where I worry about my bird eaters, and I know better. But that's just natural, I think. One week they will seem absolutely insatiable. They next week it's a miracle if they take more than three bites in one day. But I trusted them to know when they were hungry and when they were full as infants, why would that suddenly change now? That makes no logical sense.

I offer them three full meals a day. And snacks. Pretty much all day long. If they eat, they eat. If they don't, they don't. We don't make a big deal about it. They know there is always food available to them.

Most people tend to be grazers by nature, as are most children. It's hard to expect them to eat three solid meals a day when that might not really be how I myself eat.

I'll have a smoothie for breakfast. An hour or two later I might eat an egg or some fruit. Two hours later maybe some chicken. Two hours later perhaps some veggies and fruit. And maybe some meat and veggies come dinner time. None of that, other than dinner, is usually a "real meal." But I also eat All. The. Time. And my kids eat similarly.

I do not believe in making more than one meal, and yet at the same time I do believe in allowing children to eat what they want, when they want.

Since the only meal I consider a real meal around here is primarily dinner, I only "make" one meal. For breakfast it's not as big of a deal. I might have a smoothie while B has an egg and H eats cereal. No big. I'll make them up plates for lunch, and they'll typically graze from them for hours, not actually sit down and eat it all at once. And then dinner.

We'll take dinner last night. I made smothered pork chops, brussel sprouts, and almond bread. H only ate brussel sprouts and almond bread. B only ate pork chops and almond bread. Cool. Their choice. They were fed, happy, ate what they wanted and moved on when they were done. No arguments or battles or "one more bites." They had what I made, and still got to choose what to eat. And I didn't worry about the quantity.

Food is one area where it is all quality over quantity. I mean, if my kids were eating heaps of brownies and granola bars and pop tarts and canned fruit in corn syrup and gummies...yeah, I'd be worried. Sure, the quantity might be great enough where someone wouldn't worry too much because it's "enough" but it's not the fuel the body needs. But if all they eat is a handful of blueberries, a few bites of chicken, a few carrot sticks and a banana all day, I'd be totally okay with that even though the quantity is small. Because it's the kind of nutrition the body needs.

So the key to allowing your children to choose what they eat is by providing healthy options. If there aren't Twinkies and snickers and Oreos around to choose from, then they can never be options.

And the awesome thing is, when kids are allowed to choose their own foods, and have a healthy food foundation, they tend to choose healthy foods. We can make cookies, and my babes will happily eat two or three, but then they're done. Ready for raspberries. They like sweets, but since they're not a completely rare occurrence, nor are they the every day norm, they don't feel the need to gorge on them nor do they believe they are an every day food. But in full disclosure, though I've never tried it before, they probably could eat an entire bag of Oreos if given the opportunity (they just like the creme center, not the whole cookie).

So yes, food and infants/toddler/children can be daunting. I mean, here is this whole person that you are responsible for. You don't want them to starve on your watch! So I understand the trepidation.

Just remember that they won't. No infant or child will allow themselves to starve. And if given the option, they won't over eat either. They will eat when they are hungry, what they're hungry for, and how much they are hungry for. Just trust them!