Not the Thanksgiving from yesteryear

When I was small, I spent my Thanksgivings with my mom. When I was old enough to have a say, I spent them with my dad. Not because I preferred one parent over another, but because holidays were always just more homey with my dad. They were the way they were supposed to be. At least according to all the movies I've ever seen.

My older sister M and I would sit at the bar helping to make appetizers, eating as much as we made nearly. We would chop and slice and mix and stir on command from my step mom who would be preparing our Thanksgiving feast. My dad and brothers would watch football and there would usually be some marathon for a show on that we all enjoyed so we would watch that too while we just all hung out and ate until it was time for our proper meal.

Then we would stuff ourselves into a turkey coma and finish it off with a pie death. My siblings and I would usually fall asleep in the living room watching movies and talking.

Those were good times. Looking back, they were almost magical times. Other than my little sister C, I don't really talk to any of my siblings anymore. Certainly don't hang out.

Needless to say, Thanksgiving is kind of hard for me to stomach anymore. Our last three Turkey Days have been spent with J's family. The first was a lot of Turkey hopping from his parents to his friends. It was different, but enjoyable enough as I really enjoy being around his friends. Then last year baby B was baptized on Thanksgiving and H had a UTI and I was dealing with PPD. In my head, it was a miserable fiasco, though likely not half as bad as I felt it was at the time.

And this year. Well, I'm sitting in our deserted house that has been on the market for a year while J works on getting it into renting conditions. The babes are playing in appliance boxes. Eventually we will go back to his parents house for a turkey meal. It will be chaotic. But they don't do a meal time, it's eat when you please.

All of J's friends are out of town.

The babes have no idea it's Thanksgiving.

I feel like Debbie Downer, even though I don't want to be. This past week has been rough on me.

But I have so much to be thankful for. First and foremost, my beautiful nuclear family. I could not imagine my life without J and H and B. And to think that I had spent most of my life never even able to imagine them.

So maybe I lost a certain kind of Thanksgiving. Something beautiful even. But what I've gained is better by tenfold. Because it is perfect. And it's mine.