I love how innocent and pure my babies are. How everything they say or do isn’t because of some kind of belief or conviction. How they have no prejudices yet.
It’s beautiful.
It’s terrifying.
They are perfect human beings without anyone else’s beliefs put forth on them quite yet. Everything is their own. And it’s genuine.
Yesterday, while playing with a baby doll, a friend asked H, “Oh, is your baby hungry?”
H didn’t skip a beat. She said, “No, he’s black.”
My friend and I laughed so hard we nearly cried. She wasn’t making a racial statement. She was just making a plain observation. No, her baby was not hungry. But did L want to know what the baby was? Well, he was indeed black. And that’s all there was to it. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just simple innocence.
It scares me to know that I have the ability to ruin that. Or that anyone has the ability to ruin that of my children; of any children.
Right now H doesn’t know “race” exists (I’m using the quotes because race is not a biological reality, but a social concept that is relatively new to the world…). She has no idea that she is technically “biracial” (nor had I thought about that until about a month ago when someone else pointed it out). The difference in the color of skins is equivalent to the difference in the color of hair for her. As it should be for everyone anyway.
We’re so fortunate to live in an extremely culturally-diverse town, so it’s all H and B have ever known anyway.
And “race” is just one thing that someone could fill my children’s head with. And where the line is drawn of what is okay to teach/tell them, and what is not, is extremely gray and blurry to me right now.
I would be absolutely livid if anyone ever even implied to my child that there was a “superior” race. At the same time, I know that there are people out there who believe in the idea so strongly that would be equally furious if someone taught their child the opposite.
So who’s to say I’m right?
Am I right because my belief is more universally accepted currently?
Am I right because it’s my belief and my children?
I don’t know.
What about more controversial beliefs?
I believe there is nothing wrong with homosexuality or gay marriage. Many people would disagree. So am I wrong to teach my child to also be accepting?
I have extremely mixed views about God. My spirituality is one that I’ve always been deeply conflicted about. On one hand, I believe in God. I made the choice as an adult to join the Catholic Church, and thus accepted its beliefs (mostly). At the same time, I do not agree with so many of the things that occur “in the name of God.” I don’t agree with Holy Wars, I don’t agree with taking woman’s rights away (reproductive or other), I don’t agree with the spanking of children “because the Bible says so” (it doesn’t). So at least in this one area, I can accept that my belief might not be right. At least the baggage that comes with the belief. And for sure, if my children decide not to be Catholic or Christian, I’d be fine with that so long as they believe in something. So long as they really and truly understand that there is something out there in this universe that is bigger than them, even if it’s just cosmos and super novas and milky ways.
Or, because this one has clearly been on my mind lately, even eating? Is it right for me to teach my children my eating beliefs? Maybe they could be equipped with all the knowledge that I am, but still not agree with me. Is it right then for me to restrict certain foods?
I mean, I have plenty of friends who believe it’s barbaric to force your religion on children. Your beliefs. But food beliefs are just as open to interpretation. Obviously, otherwise there wouldn’t be so much conflicting information out there.
Or what about education? Just because I’ve done my research and truly believe in a certain type of education, what if they decided at 5 or 15 or 45 they don’t agree? If they were to ask for a different type of education, do I say yes?
I do realize that I’m the adult. I’m the parent. I have more worldly wisdom, if you will, then they do. I simply have to make the decisions in some areas.
But at the same time, I also know that just because I’m the adult doesn’t mean I’m right. I may be the mom, but that doesn’t make “because I said so” or “because they’re my beliefs” a valid answer.
To what degree do you stand back and allow them to draw their own conclusions? When do you jump in and direct them a different way, likely your way?
They’re sweet, innocent, and genuine now. It won’t last forever. It’s the curse of knowledge. The more you know, the more beliefs you have.
So although I feel strongly in my beliefs, I’m big enough to admit I may not be right. I’m right for me and for the knowledge I have, but that’s it. And only for today. I may change tomorrow.
So how in the world is one supposed to teach babes with the most pure of hearts their own beliefs, but also make sure the door stays open for them to decide for themselves?
Oy vey! I’m giving myself a headache.
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