I knew, long before I had children, that I would never force gender stereotypes on my babes. If my girl wanted to play football or work on cars, cool. Girls need to know how to fix things, too. If my boy wanted to do ballet and play with babies and cook, awesome. Boys need to know how to dance and be good daddies, too. And self-sufficient, in general.
The idea that my girl had to have long hair and only play with “girl” toys and participate in “girl” sports/activities and that my boy had to have short hair and play with “boy” toys and participate in “boy” sports/activities just seemed asinine and backwards to me.
Yes, until they are able to make those decisions for themselves, I get to make them for them. And maybe my choices for them will influence them somehow. But I have pretty opinionate kids. So I doubt it too strongly.
I will not cut H’s hair short until she asks me so. But by the same means, I won’t cut B’s hair short until he asks me to do so. I like long hair. On boys and girls.
I’ve bought them both cars and babies to play with. They play with their toys fairly equally. I don’t encourage H or B to play with something over something else for any reason. Whether it be “boy,” “girl,” or “alien.” I just don’t care.
Sure, I put H is pink and frills because I like it. She seems to as well. But she’s pretty vocal about her likes and dislikes for clothes. So she gets the say. She likes things that “twirl” so yes, we tend to end up with dressy things. But if she wanted jeans and sweatshirt with an airplane, I’d be totally fine with that.
Same with B. I put him in cute boy clothes that I like. But if he asks me for pink sparkly shoes or a dress to match his sister, that’s fine too. I don’t care. What my kids look like, wear, or play with is irrelevant to who they are. And as far as who they are, I just want them to be open, honest, big-hearted, genuinely good people. The rest is just silly details.
But it seems that there is a gender-neutral revolution going on. I thought it was an idea I was down with. To be honest, before ever realizing it was a “movement” I thought it seemed like the same thing I was all ready doing. Just letting my kids be themselves, regardless of preconceived stereotypes.
Boy, was I ever wrong! This “movement” seems to be more of a challenge to other people. It seems adults are more or less forcing their children to break all the “rules” of their gender, whether they want to or not. Boy doesn’t want long hair? Too bad. He doesn’t want to wear a dress? Too bad. He doesn’t want to play with baby dolls? Too bad. He has to, so as to defy his gender stereotype.
Same with girls. Your little girl doesn’t want short hair? Too bad. She doesn’t want androgynous clothing? Too bad. She doesn’t want to play with monster trucks? Well, no surprise here, but too bad!
It’s like the parents are just waiting, purposefully daring anyone to comment.
I’m so confused by this. It’s a movement that claims they want to break gender stereotypes and let their children be who they are.
If their children are, of course, the complete opposite of their gender stereotype.
It’s ridiculous.
To me.
In such an effort to rebel from societies norms, people are willing to squash who their children are and what they want for themselves in order to make a statement. I don’t get it.
I could equate it to someone who believes in natural duration breastfeeding, but then tries forcing her child, regardless of age, to keep going when he doesn’t want to. I mean, if he wants to, kudos to him. Let him go. But if that’s not what he wants, then it’s not natural duration. That’s someone forcing their own effort onto their child for the “cause.”
It’s crazy if you ask me.
I actually don’t care at all if my children want to fall into their gender stereotypes. I don’t care if they don’t want to either. Maybe I don’t feel so strongly about it because it’s just not my cause.
But I could never imagine telling my little girl she cannot play with a baby doll because she needs to move away from femininity. Or telling my boy he needs to find his femininity by playing with a doll. (And yes, I’ve heard this very conversation, recently).
So I understand a movement that wants to make close-minded people realize it is perfectly acceptable for a little boy to play with babies and wear a tutu while his sister is pounding a hammer in a pair of coveralls. If that’s what the kids want.
But that’s not what this seems to be about.
Why not just the movement where kids get to be what they want? And adults just STFU and leave their own prejudices at the door and allow their children to blossom into the amazing people they are?
I know…sometimes I ask for a lot.
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