R-E-S-P-E-C-T

When my little sister was a babe, she used to belt out Aretha Franklin's "Respect." She totally owned it. These past few days I've really felt like belting it out myself. And singing it directly at my daughter.

We're so laid back about most things, but I have a really hard time being laid back about respect.

Ridiculous, right? I don't expect my children to apologize if they don't genuinely mean it. I don't want them to even confuse fear for respect. I want for others (and myself and J) to earn their respect the same way that we'd expect any adult to earn it. Just because they are little, doesn't mean that any person automatically deserves to be respected by my children, no matter their age, race, or socio-economic status. If they haven't earned it, they don't deserve it.

And yet it drives me frakking insane.

Because I would like them to be respectful always. To everyone.

Typically H is very respectful. Of me, of J, of all others. But these past few days have been really trying in the ways of setting an example, as opposed to simply forcing her to behave and respond in a certain way. Suddenly my well-mannered child is rolling her eyes and sighing "I don't know" and "I don't care" or wholly and blatantly ignoring J and I. And the screaming at us or telling us what we can or cannot do. Agh!

It drives me insane. A part of me genuinely wants to put my foot down and say this is how you will speak to me because I'm your mom. But I know that won't work. I mean, sure, I could enforce it with some dire punishment that would compel her to obey, but then that's fear, my friends. Not respect.

And that's not what I want.

Doing this whole peaceful, gentle, parenting stuff is hard. It yields the results the world wants, and I see that. But it doesn't happen until I have to overcome my own upbringing and not react the way I was reacted to as a kid. It's hard.

I just keep reminding myself that so long as I continue speaking to her kindly, continue making it clear that rolling our eyes at people is not kind, continue making it clear that yelling at people is not acceptable and no one will listen to her until she has the same pleasant tone we do, she will outgrow this phase, too. I know she will.

But why does every "phase" seem to last forever (though typically rarely more than week) and always seem like the most difficult parenting challenge I've had yet?

She's not even 3 yet. I sometimes wonder how I'll handle the next 15+ years.