Welcome to Parenthood

I climbed out of bed this morning and told J I felt like I was going to collapse. "My body is sore," I whined, "And I haven't even been to the gym all week. I feel like I'm just going to fall down."

"That, my dear, is what we call exhaustion. Welcome to parenthood."

Yeah. Fun stuff. Though honestly, I wouldn't trade it in for the world.

For the past week B has been doing this super fun wake up between 330-4am and then screaming and crying until 530-6am.

It's awful. And not because of the lack of sleep. Because my baby is literally sobbing and there is nothing that I do that helps. He flings himself all over the bed, eventually onto the floor and just sobs. When I try to hold him or talk to him he screams at me (which admittedly, in a different situation would be funny, because he is so clearly screaming at me).

These huge, fat, wet tears drip down his face and there is nothing I can do to comfort him. He doesn't want me to hold him or touch him or nurse him or anything. And I don't know why.

I'd imagine this is what it feels like to let your child cry it out. But without that utter feeling of helplessness, since the point is to let your baby cry themselves to sleep. I'm finding it to be completely horrific to be honest. I couldn't imagine doing this to my babe on purpose. I hate not having the ability to help him, I couldn't imagine choosing not to.

But I digress. He ends up cuddling with me when he is so far gone exhausted I can pull him close and he no longer has the energy to fight. We either sing our "I love you" song (which is literally, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much) and he'll sing with me until he falls asleep, or he'll give in and nurse back to sleep.

Ay carumba! I wish I had the slightest idea as to what is causing this. The timing is the same each night. I don't know what to do for him. Maybe he's heard J and I discussing his "big boy room" and he's utterly freaked out. I don't know.

All I know is that this poor baby is exhausted when his sister wakes him up at 7am and I am too. And neither one of us are happy when he's sobbing and Mommy can't figure out what's wrong.

I know, I know.

Welcome to Parenthood.