You want a ridiculously clean house? Invite the health department and enviromental department over for an inspection.

Seriously, I'm like the queen of mess. If you're looking for a house free of toys strewn in every room, laundry baskets of clean clothes not yet put away sitting in bedrooms and on the couch, toilet paper not pulled off the roll and tossed on the shelf, desks and tables clear of clutter, look elsewhere. Because mi casa is not where you will find it.

But if you want a clean house, I'm typically your girl. I clean the bathrooms each and every day (toilets, sink). I vacuum daily. Wipe down the table and counters and do the dishes every evening. Clean the baseboards and doors at least once a month, if not more.

I even do go through purging spells. And organization spells. De-cluttering spells. It helps briefly.

Until it doesn't.

But I pretty much never manage to clean everything and have everything picked up and organized at the same time. I have two wild tornadoes who basically walk behind me and un-do everything I do. And I don't have the energy to do that much work after they are in bed.

Until today.

Today those babies helped me wash baseboards and dust everything. We put all the laundry away. Organized books and diapers. Washed the floors by hand (because I have no idea where our mop is...I just know we own one that J uses every other week...).

Why? Why is my house as immaculate as it will likely ever get?

Because I invited both the health department and the environmental department over to do an inspection tomorrow.

Yep, I invited them. I asked them to come.

And I didn't want them to be jotting down notes like "be sure to call CPS on her because there is chocolate hand prints on the windows and dust on the stairs."

They are coming to test everything in our house. And I mean everything. They're not allowed to leave until they tell me what is making my baby sick.

Well, I guess they are allowed to leave because I don't want to add, "Call CPS because she's mentally unstable and holds hostages" to the notes either, but I'm determined that we figure this out all ready.

Regardless of what they tell me though, it will all work out.

And in the meantime, we've got a kick-ass awesomely clean, orderly house.

For a night anyway.

I really think B isn't a fan of the un-messy house though. He was constantly walking behind me, shredding pieces of paper, spitting blueberries and almonds on the floor, and dispersing shoes into each room.

We can't win them all.