I need to be on my list of priorities

I won't lie, I really pride myself on always putting my babes first. This is just super important to me.

But I'm slowly realizing that although it's okay to put them first, I need to put myself at the very least somewhere on the list of my priorities. Since the day I got a + sign, pregnant with Miss H, I've put myself to the curb and dedicated every breath in my body to my babes.

And that's not a bad thing. Not really.

But there are so many simple, mundane things I forget, put off, or completely ignore for myself.

I mean, the kids get their hair brushed every single day. When we leave the house they are always in nice, clean, matching clothes (well, now that Miss H dresses herself frequently they're not always matched...). I won't lie, there are lots of days my hair never sees a brush. I just throw it up and hope for the best. Sometimes I wear a ratty t-shirt out in public, or, this is probably awful to admit, wear the same freaking shirt for 48 hours straight. Not to mention that I legitimately have two pairs of shorts and four shirts that even fit me properly - everything else is falling off and even my belts are too big to help. But whenever I say I'm going to go buy clothes for just me, I end up deciding against it because all I can think of is what I'm taking away from the babes. Ridiculous.

Every single day I read countless books to the babes. Miss H could literally read all. day. long. And I believe so strongly in reading that I read to her like crazy, even if it is the same book twenty times in a row (sadly, I'm not exaggerating here). But I never get to read for pleasure anymore. And before children, I easily read 2-3 books a week, though one a day was not uncommon. Now it's a miracle if I make it through a whole book in 6 months. No joke.

I make sure my kiddos eat well-balanced meals each day. Some days I forget to eat altogether (and I used to think people were crazy when they said they "forgot" to eat. I mean, who forgets to eat!?). I need to make eating a priority. And eating well a priority.

My babies say their prayers every single night. I can't remember the last time I said a real prayer. Something more than the repetitive grace I say before eating or the "please God let us be safe" before travelling. I think God and I are due a little heart to heart sometime in the near future.

It's a miracle I've managed to become relatively thin, because I never exercise. And I really need to. I do Pilate's once a week. But that hardly counts. I need to start running again. I need to make the gym a routine part of my day. Which really means I need to stop bitching about lack of sleep and get my lazy bum out of bed at the crack of dawn so I can hit the gym before J leaves for work.

Miss H's baby scrapbook doesn't go past her first Christmas. I need to finish it up until her first birthday. Then I need to work on starting baby B's. I need to find a way to just let those babes be and do some things on their own. They don't truly need Momma to entertain them every waking second. Do they?

I've been working on the same quilt, made from my grandfather's shirts for over a year now. It's still relatively unfinished. The only sewing projects I have been able to complete are for the children. I deserve at least one thing for myself. I really do.

I make sure the babes have active social lives. They play with other kiddos nearly every day. But I've not even gone out with a friend since Miss H was born. Not once. Not even for an hour. I need social interaction, too. Don't get me wrong, I adore the social interaction I get from J and the mommy friends who get together with us, but it's probably okay to have friends who I actually see without our children, right? Maybe.

This is why it's so hard to make me a priority. Because once I start thinking of what I should do for me, I start feeling like I want too much for me. That I'm selfish and that every single thing that I do for me is in some way taking away from the babes. And I feel like that's not fair because I chose to have children. I chose this life. It's kind of like I don't have a right for "me things." But I know that's also super silly. If I don't take care of myself, and make myself some sort of a priority, I'll probably end up a sour pickle. Or maybe not.

But I probably do need to do something about the me factor.