She loves me, she loves me not...

That's how I've been feeling about my 2 year old all week.

Typically, she's a really good kid. She listens pretty well (for a 2 year old), follows directions, has nice manners, etc.

But this past week, and most especially today, she's just pushing all of my buttons. One second she is sweet, the next I am fairly certain she's trying to kill me in one way or another.

I have tried over and over to figure out what the problem is. Is she not getting enough attention? Does she need more Momma time? Does she need more Papa time? Is she teething or feel unwell? Does she need more sleep. Is she hugry?

I feel like I've tried nearly everything. When she is grabbing baby B by the neck for the umpteenth time, I've tried giving him all the attention. Coddling him and playing it up, so she can see she doesn't get attention for bad behaviour. I've tried putting her in time-out, but that's a joke. Time-out generally doesn't phase her. On rare occasions it does, so it seems I still try to utilize it. But she is pretty content to have to go sit somewhere all by herself. Or occassionally she will get up 50 times, which just driving me nucking futs, so I try to avoid it for my own sanity. So generally I only use "time-out" when she's hysterical and screaming, and in the way of I just put her in her bedroom until she's calmed down.

But still, it feels like there has to be something that works. I, admittedly, hate the idea of being a "mean" parent. As in, my child fears me. But to be honest, I hate the idea of having a hellion even more. So I'm just stuck in this place where I don't know what to do with her sometimes.

I want her to be nice and to obey because she wants to. Not because she is afraid of the consequence if she does not. Unfortunately, I don't know how to make that work. It's a lovely idea, an idea I strongly believe in, in fact, just not one I know how to carry out.

The only minor comfort I have is that we have been around a lot of kids in the past few weeks who are heavy-handed disciplined, and I can honestly say that on her very worst days, my little rascal still looks like a saint compared to most of these kids.

But, in reality, I don't care how other kids behave. I care about how my children behave. They are all I have to worry about at the end of the day.

And right now, my eldest child is trying to push me into an early grave with this defiant streak and apparent loss of her "listening ears."

I guess for now I'll just hope tomorrow is a better day...mostly because J works and I don't think Miss H and I will get along very well if she doesn't change her tune...or I change mine, I suppose...