No one is judging you

Being a mom is hard. Like pretty much the hardest thing you'll ever do. For real.

When I started this amazing, yet incredibly daunting journey of motherhood, I felt like everyone was judging me. For every single little thing.

Admittedly, I didn't know what I was doing. Sure, I had a shit ton of experience with kids and babies. But when it's your own baby, it is a whole new playing field. Other people's kids, other people's rules. I was always good at following rules. So if they said baby was on a schedule, feed him at x time, or baby goes into the crib at x time, and let him cry until he's asleep, I was just kind of like, "Okay, it's your kid." I never thought twice about it, and certainly never judged how any parent raised their kid. Wasn't my place.

And yet, I felt judged all the time after I had Miss H. Before I became pregnant, I thought I knew exactly what kind of parent I would be. Turns out, I'm pretty much the opposite of everything I thought I'd be. And that's okay. But it made things terrifying and difficult, because I really didn't know anyone who shared my "crazy" parenting beliefs. I thought for sure that anyone who put their child to sleep in a crib judged me as being a horrible mother for sleeping with my baby. Anyone who fed their baby on a schedule thought I was awful for feeding on demand. As she got a bit old, anyone who saw her throw a tantrum and me wholly ignore it, other than to maybe say "You're mad and have the right to express your feelings. Let me know when you're done" instead of punsihing her thought I was entirely permissive.

And then it hit me. Why would they be judging me? Maybe I'm naive, that could totally be, but I'm not judging these other people for doing things differently than me. Not even a little bit. So why would they judge me for being different?

I mean, we are all just doing what we believe is best for our babes. For different families, and even for different children, different methods work best. I get that. I have two babes who are night and day different. I all ready do some things differently with them because that is just what works best for them. I get that.

But it's hard, I know, when someone does something differently, not to feel judged. I have zero issues sharing information on the different crazy beliefs I have. I will probably do that forever. A lot of people have told me "thank you" because they didn't realize there was another way of doing xyz, and now they do and that way works better for them.

Trust me, for a lot of things I didn't know there was another way. I learned because someone shared that info with me. Or because, while sleep-deprived and desperate, I just went with my gut instincts.

And then the really fun thing is when you change your beliefs. Yeah, it happens. One day you think that this is the best way to do things, you're pretty stuck in that belief, and then wham! You're like, "Hm, maybe this wasn't the best choice here. Maybe I should try this instead." Trust me, I've been there. It's hard sometimes, to even try that new option, because a part of you feels like that by doing something different you're admitting you were wrong before.

But that's not true. One thing might have worked previously. Now it isn't. So you're changing. Or maybe it didn't work from the get-go, but now you're armed with new resources. And that's okay! You weren't wrong before, you aren't wrong now. You're learning. We all do it.

I said I'd never give my kids pureed food. Miss H made it easy, she never liked it. But baby B...yeah, he eatsit. In fact, since he has started eating it (out of those dang squeezy pouches!) Miss H has decided that she wants them too! Only giving Miss H regular food as a baby worked with her. Although baby B will eat regular food too, he likes his purees. And so what? Different kids, different methods. And I've given myself a break and realized that I will not in fact go to Mommy hell for feeding my kid store-bought purees from a pouch.

Which really, is my biggest point here. I felt bad for doing xyz. I felt judged. But no one is judging me, other than me. (Okay, so maybe people are, I don't know. But in my happy bubble, people are more like me and pretty open-minded). I know I'm not judging others for being different and doing things differently, so I'm pretty sure they aren't judging me.

And besides, doing things differently is what makes this all fun! It'd be boring if we did everything the same. And if everything could only be done one way, we'd be royally screwed if that one way just didn't work for our particular family or our particular child. Then what would happen? Yeah...

So trust me, whether you choose wear your baby or put her in a stroller; feed your child only organic food or allow them free-reign of the Twinkies; use disposable diapers or cloth diapers; home school, public school or private school; or any of the other bazillion things I was once certain others were judging me for, they aren't.

No one if judging you. I promise.

Except for maybe yourself, but we are always our own worst critic.